My suitcase wasn’t even unpacked from my maternal grandmother’s funeral when I got the call about my dad’s mom: “Grandma has been in bed all week. We’re driving down tomorrow to say goodbye.”
I do realize the extravagance of this gift I’ve been given, having grandparents I’ve known into adulthood. I feel almost guilty grieving these losses, like someone in Hawaii complaining about the winter.
And yet grief is so rarely a rational animal. There is little comfort in comparing wounds, no balm in “at-leasting” them.At least I had her so long. At least she went peacefully. At least she’s no longer suffering. It may be true, but it does little to erase the loss.
Grandma celebrated her 102nd birthday this summer, but her mind remained as bright as ever. Whenever I visited, I perused the books on her end table: mysteries, historical fiction, chunky nonfiction titles. As I listened to her delineate the tactical strategies from her recent World War II read, I found myself shaking my head, hoping to be as well read when I grow up.
Books are, after all, how she and I became friends. I knew her as my grandma my whole life, of course, but with twelve children and a gaggle of grandchildren, she always had a lot of voices clamoring for her attention.
One summer when I was in junior high, we went to her and Grandpa’s condo to swim, and she noticed the copy of Anne of Green Gables under my arm. I told her about Anne, the book’s spunky red-haired heroine. Before long, I was passing along the entire series to her (and eventually to Grandpa too) when I finished each one. As we had our own informal book club over the course of eight books, I realized how much of Anne I saw in my grandma: both were gingers who had lost parents young and had come out resilient (and a little fiery) on the other side. Both were lovers of literature who got an education at a time when not many women did. Both took a legacy of loss and wrote a redemptive story for the generations after them.
Grandma’s story could have been a book itself. I think about the vignettes I’ve heard over the years—how she met Grandpa in college just before the war, how she waited and prayed for his return after he enlisted, how he mailed her a parachute so she could use the silk for her wedding dress, how they got married on a Tuesday right before Lent (so they wouldn’t have to wait until after Easter), how she and Grandpa had a dozen kids in 14 years, how she lived independently (and read independently) until past the century mark.
She didn’t see herself as a heroine, but then again, aren’t all the real heroes the ones who don’t realize it? “Oh, honey,” she’d tell me, “I just did what I had to do.” On every page, her life was marked by humility and grit.
But perhaps more than anything, she didn’t see herself as heroic because she knew she was part of a larger story. And she knew the Author who was writing it:
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Psalm 139:16
Grandma, your final chapter is over here on earth. But your story on the other side is just beginning. Only this time you get to read the book before I do.
You were never one to spoil an ending, but I’m pretty sure the story you’re living now in is the grandest one of all. In this story, there’s a happily ever after, but no “the end.”
I don’t know exactly what the literary scene looks like in heaven. But I’m putting in a special request to be in your book club just in case.
Hope . . . makes possible our ability to recognize that the world in which we find ourselves has a story; and if there’s a story, there’s a storyteller. Stanley Hauerwas
Happy Friday, everyone! Here are some of my recent favorites, from unusual vending machines to fictional hot chocolate recipes to the funniest things I’ve seen this week.
For anyone who has found themselves with time to kill in an airport . . .
Believe it or not, there are vending machines that spit out short stories for those times when you’re waiting around and in need of some mental stimulation. They originated in France, but apparently there are now some in the US too. I want to find one! Vending Machines Dispense Short Stories Instead of Snacks
For anyone who needs cheering up in this winter weather . . .
These book character inspired hot chocolate recipes will warm you up inside and out. I especially enjoyed the Mr. Darcy recipe and the one about Katniss Everdeen. Hot Chocolate Recipes Based on Fictional Characters
For anyone who wonders if they’re doing this parenting thing right . . .
I’m only a few months into this mommy gig, but that’s long enough for me to second-guess myself approximately eleven times within the hour. These tongue-in-cheek charts cracked me up and reminded me that I’m not alone. Parenting Explained in 5 Simple Graphs
For anyone who needs a laugh . . .
My goal for this year is to laugh more (and to give the people in my life more opportunities to laugh), so I was delighted to find this satirical post: The Proverbs 32 Man.
Happy Friday! Here are a few of my recent favorites, from how long it takes to write a novel to Facebook satire to fun vocabulary words. Enjoy!
For anyone who is having trouble finishing something . . .
This is a fascinating infographic about how long it took these writers to finish their famous novels. If you’re feeling stumped on your project (whatever it is), take heart that Gone with the Wind took a decade to complete! How Long It Took 30 Writers to Finish Their Novels
For anyone with a love/hate relationship with Facebook . . .
This satire points out just what an odd world Facebook is . . . and how hard it is to escape it. A Night at the Facebook Hotel
For anyone who wants to increase their vocabulary for the new year . . .
For anyone who wants a live-longer plan that doesn’t involve diet and exercise . . .
Apparently readers are 17 percent less likely to die than nonreaders. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go eat my cookie while I read my book. Read Books, Live Longer
For anyone who wants a peek behind the curtain of marriage . . .
Sarah Bessey’s words about choosing your spouse, over and over again, are beautiful: “When it came time to choose between the life we thought we wanted, the life we thought we were destined for, the life we were taught to sacrifice everything to ensure: we chose us instead.” Choices
This month I’m celebrating a dozen years as an editor at Tyndale House. In honor of my work anniversary, I’ve been reflecting on privilege it is to wake up each morning and do what I do. Every day people entrust to me one of their most precious possessions: their stories.
As an editor, I am invited into that rare sacred space between the writer and the reader, between the idea and the written word, between private musings and public declarations.
When people think of editor types, they often conjure up images of dour-faced schoolmarms with red pens poised. And while I admit that I delight in a well-placed semicolon or a properly punctuated possessive, there’s more to editing than the rules of grammar.
Sometimes an editor’s job is to find the pulse of a manuscript and resuscitate it. Sometimes an editor’s job is to hold the author’s hand and coax her through the final chapter. Sometimes the editor’s job is to recognize a thing of beauty and then get out of the way.
Whether you’re an editor or a comma queen or just someone who appreciates the process of words coming to life, I thought you might enjoy these quotes about editing I’ve been collecting over the years.
***
I have rewritten—often several times—every word I have ever published. My pencils outlast their erasers.
—Vladimir Nabokov
So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.
—Dr. Seuss
“The editor is always right.” The corollary is that no writer will take all of his or her editor’s advice; for all have sinned and fallen short of editorial perfection. Put another way, to write is human, to edit is divine.
—Stephen King
I really think that the great difficulty in bringing [a manuscript] into final shape is the old one of not being able to see the forest for the trees. There are such a great number of trees. We must somehow bring the underlying scheme or pattern of the book into emphasis, so that the reader will be able to see the forest in spite of the many trees.
—Maxwell Perkins
Every editor becomes a de facto therapist, whether or not he engages in the therapeutic as well as the editorial process. His author presents a set of symptoms as clearly as a patient visiting a doctor.
—Betsy Lerner
But the work had told upon the Editor. Work of that sort carries its penalties with it. Success means absorption, and absorption spells softening of the brain.
—P. G. Wodehouse
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
—Douglas Adams
Half my life is an act of revision.
—John Irving
I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
—Dorothy Parker
An editor’s job is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.
—Virginia Muir (the first editor at Tyndale House Publishers)
***
In honor of this occasion, I’m giving away one free book published by Tyndale House Publishers. To be eligible to win, write a comment with one of your favorite quotes (editing related or not). I’ll be selecting the winner on Monday!
It’s that time again . . . time for a few of my favorite things! Enjoy!
For anyone loyal to their home state . . . If you’ve ever wondered how your home state would be depicted in LEGOs, this post is for you. 50 States in LEGOs
For anyone looking for an excuse to read . . . Apparently reading helps you read people’s minds and stave off depression. Sold! 12 Health Benefits of Reading
For anyone who gets that a marriage is about more than a wedding . . . This is a great letter from Kristen Welch to her daughters about her wedding: “I can’t think of a single pin-worthy picture from the day. . . . But I wouldn’t change a moment of it.” What I Want My Daughters to Know about My Wedding
For anyone planning a literary-themed wedding . . . I know I just said a marriage is about more than a wedding, but you have to admit these book-themed cakes are pretty amazing. You have to check out the one inspired by The Lord of the Rings. 10 Awesome Literary-Themed Wedding Cakes
For anyone who’s a word geek . . . Apparently this is the longest word in the English language. Dictionary.com
Last fall I posted a list of 9 Books Every Girl Should Read. I received some great feedback from people who said, “Hey, what about the books all kids should read?” So here’s my list of books every kid—girl or boy—should read.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis
This book truly takes children (and adults) into another world. Once they’ve been to Narnia, they’ll never view this world the same way again.
[The Professor:] Don’t go trying to use the same route twice. Indeed, don’t try to get there at all. It’ll happen when you’re not looking for it. And don’t talk too much about it even among yourselves. And don’t mention it to anyone else unless you find that they’ve had adventures of the same sort themselves. What’s that? How will you know? Oh, you’ll know all right. Odd things, they say—even their looks—will let the secret out. Keep your eyes open.
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Harper Lee has a gift for creating three-dimensional characters that come to life on the pages of this book. Thanks to Scout, the ultimate precocious narrator, and Atticus, the ultimate quiet hero, this book manages to tell a winsome story about a weighty topic.
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame
This book is pretty much philosophy disguised as a children’s book, yet it still holds up as an engaging story in its own right.
Here I am, footsore and hungry, tramping away from it, tramping southward, following the old call, back to the old life, the life which is mine and which will not let me go.
Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
I read this book countless times as a kid, and each time I hoped in vain for a different ending. Tear jerker though it may be, Rawls paints an endearing picture of a boy who doesn’t have much going for him other than his determination—but that proves to be enough.
The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter
Beatrix Potter once said, “There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never quite know where they’ll take you.” That’s precisely how you feel when you read her stories—like something delicious is about to happen.
A Child’s Garden of Verses by Robert Louis Stevenson
This is the book that taught me to love poetry even before I could understand it. (Not that I get it all that much now. . . .) My dad would read these poems to me from a picture book with lush illustrations, and I remember wishing I could somehow climb into the pages.
Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White
“Why did you do all this for me?” [Wilbur] asked. “I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.”
“You have been my friend,” replied Charlotte. “That in itself is a tremendous thing.”
Can you imagine a more poignant portrayal of friendship than that?
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
As delightful as the movie is, it doesn’t come close to the charm and fantasy of the book. I should note that the book is decidedly creepier than the movie, but I was so taken by the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, the Cowardly Lion, and the other characters who became my friends down the yellow brick road that I didn’t mind too much.
The Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner
My mom read this series to my brother, my sister, and me when we were kids. It’s one of those rare series that is accessible for a broad range of ages and can be enjoyed by both boys and girls. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to my parents, but just in case, I felt like Henry, Jessie, Violet, and Benny prepared me for life in an abandoned train car, should the need arise.
What were your favorite books as a kid? What’s missing from this list?
Happy reading to you, whether you’re young, or young at heart!
Thanks to everyone who participated in our virtual book club this month! The selection for November was The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh, which I introduced here.
I’m going to throw out some discussion topics, and you can post your comments—about these topics or other things you want to talk about.
Discussion #1: Storytelling Method One of my favorite parts of this book was the way the author wove together the two stories—the present-day narrative and the story of Victoria’s childhood. The connections between the past and the present were masterfully pieced together, and I enjoyed the slow reveal of what severed Victoria’s relationship with Elizabeth.
What did you think of the layered story? Did you like the author’s style, or would you have preferred one cohesive story?
Discussion #2: The Theme of Forgiveness One idea that kept surfacing in this novel was the pain of unforgiveness and the redemptive power of forgiveness. We see this played out in almost every relationship: Elizabeth was able to forgive Victoria for burning down the vineyard, despite the years of hurt and distance between them. Elizabeth finally forgave Catherine for taking the man she loved, although that came too late to restore their relationship. Grant was able to forgive Victoria for leaving him and deserting their baby. Even Baby Hazel, with her innocence and trust, seems to offer forgiveness to Victoria, and she serves as a springboard for the healing of other relationships in Victoria’s life.
Have you ever extended forgiveness to someone who caused you great pain? Did you think the portrayal of forgiveness in the novel is realistic?
Discussion #3: Foster Parenting Having known several families who have fostered children, I was intrigued by the exploration of what it takes to stitch together a family out of love but no shared genes. When I did some research about the author, I discovered that she is a foster parent herself and has founded a network to support youth transitioning from foster care.
Do you know any foster parents? How does this novel ring true with your experiences? Do you think Victoria will be able to overcome her past and become a good mom?
Discussion #4: Communicating via Flowers It was fascinating to me the way Victoria was able to communicate her emotions through flowers when words failed her. She didn’t always have the skills to relate to people through the spoken or written word, but flowers gave her a way to express what she was feeling and thinking. I also enjoyed watching her share that gift with others at the flower shop. Some of the symbolism felt over the top to me (her name is Victoria?!), and sometimes the connections with the flower meanings felt a little heavy handed, but overall I enjoyed it.
Did this book make you want to find out more about the language of flowers (or wish you could visit Victoria’s shop)? Have you ever found ways to communicate with others that didn’t involve words?
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ I would give this book 4 stars. Despite the occasional over-the-top symbolism, it was an enjoyable read, and I really liked the characters and the way the story unfolded (bloomed?).
What rating would you give this book?
{Remember: I will give away a free book to one lucky commenter!}
Whether you’re looking for a book for a girl you love or you missed these along the way in your childhood, here are nine of my top titles for girls.
The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
This book offers some profound insights about how love can hurt, but how it’s also what makes you real.
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
I’m not sure if this is an adult book that can also be appreciated by kids or a kids book that can also be appreciated by adults, but it holds up for any age, any generation. I remember reading it and having my eyes opened to the wonder and mystery just under the surface of ordinary life. I also felt a special kinship with Meg, who doesn’t seem to fit in with her peers but finds herself uniquely equipped to deal with another world once she arrives there—a world she never even dreamed of.
The Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
This was the first book I remember reading that didn’t have a happy ending. Although I felt indignant about it at the time, I grew to appreciate the beautiful picture of friendship painted in this book and how the characters’ grief prepared me to face my own losses.
The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
This book serves as a reminder that friendship can blossom just as surely as flowers do, that miracles are possible, and that hope is worth clinging to.
“Is the spring coming?” he said. “What is it like?” . . .
“It is the sun shining on the rain and the rain falling on the sunshine.”
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
I think every girl has a little bit of Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy in her. These sisters helped me grow up and figure out who I was, and they showed me how to stay true to what I stood for.
Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery
I read this series so many times the books are now practically falling apart. After I read each book as a kid, I’d give it to my grandmother (she of the red hair and the spunky personality, just like Anne) and we’d talk about it together. Looking back, I suppose it was my first impromptu book club.
Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
I must have overlooked the parts about dysentery, the lack of indoor plumbing, and the absence of central air, but I desperately wanted to go back in time so I could be Laura. This book offers a poignant snapshot of a particular era in our country’s history, and it’s rich with themes of family relationships and the tough times can help us learn and grow.
“There’s no great loss without some small gain.”
Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lindgren This book is pure fun. My sister and I loved wearing colorful stockings and putting our hair in pigtails, Pippi style.
Winnie the Horse Gentler by Dandi Daley Mackall This book came into my life when I was an adult, like a long-lost friend, but it’s a story every girl should read. Horse lover or not, every girl will connect with the ups and the downs of being a kid, the longing for friendship, and the way the funny moments of life weave together with the more serious ones.
What were your favorite books as a kid? I’d love to hear your list.
First of all, congratulations to Rachel, the winner of the free book giveaway!
The selection for November is The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh. Here’s the description of her book, taken from the back cover:
The Victorian language of flowers was used to convey romantic expressions: honeysuckle for devotion, asters for patience, and red roses for love. But for Victoria Jones, it’s been more useful in communicating mistrust and solitude. After a childhood spent in the foster-care system, she is unable to get close to anybody, and her only connection to the world is through flowers and their meanings. Now eighteen and emancipated from the system with nowhere to go, Victoria realizes she has a gift for helping others through the flowers she chooses for them. But an unexpected encounter with a mysterious stranger has her questioning what’s been missing in her life. And when she’s forced to confront a painful secret from her past, she must decide whether it’s worth risking everything for a second chance at happiness.
We’ll discuss the book at the end of November—hope you can join us!
First it was the big old elm tree in my parents’ front yard—the Climbing Tree, all of us kids called it.
I’d always thought the Giving Tree was a little over the top about a hunk of deadwood…until I found out my own Climbing Tree’s days were numbered.
It was the perfect tree for a kid, with its low, sturdy limbs to get you started and plenty of compact branches to perch on. After a summer day full of playing outside or helping my parents in the garden, I’d bring my book into the tree and sit in my reading spot—a “V” between branches that was cozy enough for me to be able to turn the pages of the next Anne of Green Gables book without having to hang on.
It was the first tree to turn gold in the fall, marking the commencement of my favorite season and ushering in my birthday. The tree was also my first glimpse of home when I returned from college, those sweeping branches beckoning welcome to a homesick heart.
So when my parents told me it was time to take down the old tree, I weakly argued for them to let it stand a little longer (after all, it still had six green leaves on it!). Deep down I knew it was time, but there’s inherent sadness that comes with taking an ax to something that was once so vibrant and full of life. It wasn’t just the end of the tree; it was the end of an era.
One day not long after my parents’ announcement about the Climbing Tree, I arrived home at my own place to find that all the trees lining our street had been systematically mowed down by orders of the city—casualties of the ash borer infestation. The stump of each tree had been spray-painted with neon letters that read “OK,” apparently an indication that there were no lingering signs of the guilty little vermin. But as I walked around our post-apocalyptic neighborhood inspecting each spot that had once held a tall symbol of life, I wanted to scream, “No! It’s not okay!”
***
I’ve been reading a book by Henry Cloud called Necessary Endings,and in it he talks about how sometimes we have to do the hard work of chopping down projects and relationships whose season has past.
“Good cannot begin until bad ends,” he says. “Endings are not only part of life; they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally. Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time.”
Cloud says there are three categories of things that may need to end:
1. Healthy buds or branches that are not the best ones
2. Sick branches that are not going to get well
3. Dead branches that are taking up space needed for the healthy ones to thrive
As painful as endings are, we are wise to make the tough call and end these things now, before more damage is done.
Are there some necessary endings you need to bring about in your life?
Do you have a vampire-friend who is slowly sucking the life out of you?
Is there a relationship you know you should end but you’re hanging on to it because you’re afraid to be alone?
Is there some commitment that was once life giving but its season is now up?
Has God made it clear that your time at your job has come to an end, but fear is holding you back?
Necessary Endings are painful because we know the chainsaw is going to hurt. And once the tree is gone, it will leave behind a gaping hole—one we’ll likely tumble into for some time.
But as tempting as it is to put off the pain, delaying a needed ending only makes things worse. After all, the pain is there as a megaphone, telling us something needs to change. Henry Cloud puts it this way: “Pain by its nature is a signal that something is wrong, and action is required. So pain should be driving you to do something to end it.”
Here’s the thing: there won’t be a place to plant a new, healthy tree if the old diseased one stays there.
Is there a Necessary Ending you need to bring about so you can make way for a New Beginning? If so, let me know how I can pray for you as you rev up your chainsaw.
