• Blog
  • Meet Stephanie
  • Writings
  • Blind Dating
  • Speaking
  • Book Club
  • Archives
  • Get in Touch

Stephanie Rische

Blogger and Writer: Capturing Stories of God's Grace

June 7, 2013

Tree Funerals and Other Necessary Endings

I’ve been to too many tree funerals lately.

 

First it was the big old elm tree in my parents’ front yard—the Climbing Tree, all of us kids called it.

 

I’d always thought the Giving Tree was a little over the top about a hunk of deadwood…until I found out my own Climbing Tree’s days were numbered.

 

It was the perfect tree for a kid, with its low, sturdy limbs to get you started and plenty of compact branches to perch on. After a summer day full of playing outside or helping my parents in the garden, I’d bring my book into the tree and sit in my reading spot—a “V” between branches that was cozy enough for me to be able to turn the pages of the next Anne of Green Gables book without having to hang on.

 

ending2

 

It was the first tree to turn gold in the fall, marking the commencement of my favorite season and ushering in my birthday. The tree was also my first glimpse of home when I returned from college, those sweeping branches beckoning welcome to a homesick heart.

 

So when my parents told me it was time to take down the old tree, I weakly argued for them to let it stand a little longer (after all, it still had six green leaves on it!). Deep down I knew it was time, but there’s inherent sadness that comes with taking an ax to something that was once so vibrant and full of life. It wasn’t just the end of the tree; it was the end of an era.

 

One day not long after my parents’ announcement about the Climbing Tree, I arrived home at my own place to find that all the trees lining our street had been systematically mowed down by orders of the city—casualties of the ash borer infestation. The stump of each tree had been spray-painted with neon letters that read “OK,” apparently an indication that there were no lingering signs of the guilty little vermin. But as I walked around our post-apocalyptic neighborhood inspecting each spot that had once held a tall symbol of life, I wanted to scream, “No! It’s not okay!”

 

ending3

***

I’ve been reading a book by Henry Cloud called Necessary Endings, and in it he talks about how sometimes we have to do the hard work of chopping down projects and relationships whose season has past.

 

“Good cannot begin until bad ends,” he says. “Endings are not only part of life; they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally. Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time.”

cloud2

Cloud says there are three categories of things that may need to end:

1. Healthy buds or branches that are not the best ones

2. Sick branches that are not going to get well

3. Dead branches that are taking up space needed for the healthy ones to thrive

 

As painful as endings are, we are wise to make the tough call and end these things now, before more damage is done.

 

Are there some necessary endings you need to bring about in your life?

  • Do you have a vampire-friend who is slowly sucking the life out of you?
  • Is there a relationship you know you should end but you’re hanging on to it because you’re afraid to be alone?
  • Is there some commitment that was once life giving but its season is now up?
  • Has God made it clear that your time at your job has come to an end, but fear is holding you back?

 

Necessary Endings are painful because we know the chainsaw is going to hurt. And once the tree is gone, it will leave behind a gaping hole—one we’ll likely tumble into for some time.

 

But as tempting as it is to put off the pain, delaying a needed ending only makes things worse. After all, the pain is there as a megaphone, telling us something needs to change. Henry Cloud puts it this way: “Pain by its nature is a signal that something is wrong, and action is required. So pain should be driving you to do something to end it.”

 

Here’s the thing: there won’t be a place to plant a new, healthy tree if the old diseased one stays there.

 

Is there a Necessary Ending you need to bring about so you can make way for a New Beginning? If so, let me know how I can pray for you as you rev up your chainsaw.

4 Comments Filed Under: Seasons Tagged With: Giving Tree, Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings, reading, Relationships, Shel Silverstein, trees
Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on email
Email
Share on twitter
Twitter

About Stephanie

I think that glimmers of grace are all around us, and I'd love to share those stories with you. I hope you'll grab a cup of coffee and join me at StephanieRische.com.

Quote of the Week

“Some things have to be believed to be seen.”
—Madeleine L’Engle

Discussion

  1. Anne Riley says

    June 7, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    Another really great article, Stephie. You have this exactly right. Well done!

    Reply
    • Stephanie Rische says

      June 10, 2013 at 8:40 am

      Thanks, Annie! The truth is, I can’t wedge myself in that tree anymore anyway. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Nancy Rische says

    June 10, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    I personally avoid change if possible but it is so often that change, or endings, that allows us to move to something better. Great perspective.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Rische says

      June 11, 2013 at 8:11 am

      I know…change is hard! (I wrote this post mostly for myself. :-))

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

welcome_stephanie_rische

Welcome!

I’m so glad you stopped by. I hope you will find this to be a place where the coffee’s always hot, there’s always a listening ear, and there’s grace enough to share.
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Personal Delivery

Sign up here to have every new post, special newsletters, and book club news delivered straight to your inbox. (No carrier pigeons will be harmed in this delivery.)

Free eBook

20 Days of Prayers...just for you!
Submit your email to receive a FREE copy!

    Recently

    • To My Son on His 2nd Birthday
    • Everlasting Arms
    • A Letter to My Son on His First Birthday
    • A Letter to My Son on His First Day of Preschool
    • Buy the Land

    Book Club

    • August 2018
    • July 2017
    • April 2017
    • November 2016
    • August 2016
    • March 2016
    • March 2016
    • December 2015
    • September 2015
    • July 2015
    • May 2015
    • January 2015

    Favorite Categories

    • Friday Favorites
    • Grace
    • Literature
    • Scripture Reflections
    • Writing

    Other Places to Find Me

    • Faith Happenings
    • CT Women
    • Boundless
    • Single Matters

    Connect With Me

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Pinterest

    All Content © 2010-2014 by Stephanie Rische • Blog Design & Development by Sarah Parisi of Parisi Images • Additional Site Credits