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Stephanie Rische

Blogger and Writer: Capturing Stories of God's Grace

January 13, 2017

Piecing Together a Book

The quilt has words hidden in it, word search style!

One of the most common questions I get when people hear I wrote a book is “How did you go about the daunting task of writing a whole book?” (Other common questions include “Since you’re an editor, did you have to get edited?” and “What tools does every writer need?” Answer: backup files, Pilot fine-tip pens, and large quantities of prayer and chocolate.)

It’s hard for me to answer the question about what it’s like to write a book, because the process was so much messier and less linear than I ever imagined. I’ve been around books all my life, first as a reader and for the past fourteen years as an editor. In that time, I’ve had a pretty straightforward process for tackling books: more or less starting at the beginning and making my way to the end (I have a strict no-spoilers policy).

So I was surprised when I started writing and discovered that my book couldn’t be wrangled into such a neat step-by-step process. It was stymying at first—I couldn’t quite nail down where I needed to go or what came next.

Here’s the best way I’ve found to describe what the writing felt like: at the beginning I was trying to follow a sewing pattern. I wanted rules and formulas; I wanted structure and organization and measurements. But it didn’t work. I had to throw away the pattern. And when I did, I realized that I was actually making a quilt.

And so I wrote stories, one after the other, like quilt squares, not worrying at the moment about where they would go or how they would fit into the whole. Then I literally spread these stories out on the floor of our spare bedroom. That enabled me to see where the overall direction of the book was headed. It also showed which stories didn’t fit with the colors and pattern of my quilt-book. And it helped me see which story squares worked well beside each other. Only then could I stitch it all together.

For someone who likes to know I’m doing things “right,” this approach felt a little like a literary freefall: terrifying at first, but ultimately exhilarating. And it struck me that it’s a little like life, really. So often I try to make a script for my life and follow a step-by-step pattern. But even if I could find such a set of instructions, it wouldn’t work—life just isn’t that predictable and easily pinned down.

God invites us to follow him into a life of mystery and wonder . . . into a terrifying but exhilarating freefall. We don’t know exactly how our life will turn out or where exactly he is calling us; he simply invites us to tackle one quilt square at a time. It’s not until later that we can see what he was creating in us and through us.

Now I should confess at this point that these sewing metaphors are purely hypothetical for me. My maternal grandmother is a master seamstress. She sewed all three of her daughter’s wedding dresses and the accompanying bridesmaid dresses, and she made afghans for each of her grandchildren when we graduated from high school. But much to her consternation, her eldest granddaughter has dropped the sartorial baton. My sewing skills are limited to reattaching errant buttons, and even at that, the backside would make a sparrow’s nest look tidy.

Recently I received a gift that feels like the visual equivalent of what it felt like to write a book. My friend Lory, a quilter and a writer herself, made me a beautiful writing-themed quilt. It’s been put together piece by piece, stitch by stitch, and I can feel the love threaded into every part.

There’s something gratifying about putting love and planning and work into something, whether it’s a quilt or a book or a song or a meal, and then being able to see it or taste it or hold it in your hands. And then to be able to share it with someone else? Well, that’s almost like a piece of glory in your own living room.

When God made us, I have to believe he experienced that same kind of delight in his creations. He stitched together our DNA, planned out hair color and personality traits, and planted dreams and desires in us. And he no doubt revels in what he’d made. His creations are no assembly-line productions; there are no two the same. You are a one-of-a-kind creation, and he is utterly delighted by you.

We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10

***

What masterpiece are you working on as we begin a new year? What would it look like to throw away the pattern and embrace the messy work of creating?

13 Comments Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: creativity, memoir, quilt, quilting, writing, writing process
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December 16, 2016

Waiting with Joy

One year ago, exactly, I was waiting for a phone call. I was ready, bursting with anticipation, my phone glued to my hip all day and all through the night. My sister was expecting her second baby, and the plan was for Mom and me to jump in the car as soon as we got the call. We’d make the two-and-a-half hour drive so we could watch big sister Addie while her mom and dad were in the hospital.

It was an Advent like no other, waiting for this baby son to come into the world.

Oh come, Oh come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear

The call came at 2:00 a.m. in the dark quiet of a snowy morning. I leaped out of bed before the second ring. “It’s time,” my sister said. “We’re headed to the hospital.”

After all the waiting, all the expectation, all the hope, it was time. This long-awaited baby was coming.

Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!

The arrival came with pain, to be sure. But when Baby Grant came into the world, there was indeed much rejoicing.

This Advent I found myself waiting again. But this time, instead of waiting for a birth, I was waiting for a death.

Once again I kept the phone beside me night and day, waking and sleeping. But this time my heart weighed three hundred pounds each time the phone rang.

My grandfather had lived a good life. He was a man of the greatest generation—a hard worker and a man of quiet but deep faith. He never would have abided my saying so, but he was a hero: first as a B-17 pilot over Europe during World War II and then as the faithful father to twelve children. He had been married to my grandma for almost 71 years—a lifetime in itself. His was quite a legacy: a legacy of faithfulness and wit and wisdom and love and dozens upon dozens of people who share his name.

And now he was ready to go home. I kissed his cheek last Sunday, aware that it would likely be the last time on this side of heaven.

I knew it was time—we all did. And yet somehow 94 still seemed too young. God has planted eternity in our hearts, which means that death always comes too soon. We are made for life, not death.

Oh come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer
Thy people with Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death’s dark shadows put to flight

The call came one evening after dinner, and somehow I missed it. I must have been in the basement, throwing a load in the wash. My dad’s voice was on the message: “I have good news and bad news,” he said. “It’s bad news for us, because we’ll miss him. But it’s all good news for him.”

At Advent we celebrate the gift of Emmanuel. God with us, to comfort those who mourn in lonely exile. God with us, to disperse the gloomy clouds of night. God with us, to put death’s dark shadows to flight.

As we inhabit this weary world, we grieve and we wait and we ache. But we also rejoice, because death isn’t the end of the story. The pangs of death make way for new life—the kind of life that never ends.

Until then, we wait. And we wait with joy.

God with us. Us with God. Emmanuel.

Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!

6 Comments Filed Under: Family Tagged With: Advent, birth, Christmas, death, Emmanuel, grandfather, joy, legacy, waiting, World War II
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December 7, 2016

Virtual Book Club for January: The Trouble with Goats and Sheep

Thanks to everyone who participated in the book club discussion about Big Magic!I appreciated everyone’s insights about creativity and perfectionism and trying new things and getting braver as we get older. Congratulations to Rachel for winning the free book giveaway! Rachel, I’ll send you a private message about getting the book to you.

And now . . . announcing the book club selection for January! We will be reading The Trouble with Goats and Sheep by Joanna Cannon.

Here is the description from the back of the book:

Part coming-of-age story, part mystery, The Trouble with Goats and Sheep is a quirky and utterly charming debut about a community in need of absolution and two girls learning what it means to belong.

England, 1976. Mrs. Creasy is missing and the Avenue is alive with whispers. The neighbors blame her sudden disappearance on the heat wave, but ten-year-olds Grace and Tilly aren’t convinced. As the summer shimmers endlessly on, the girls decide to take matters into their own hands. Inspired by the local vicar, they go looking for God—they believe that if they find Him they might also find Mrs. Creasy and bring her home.

Spunky, spirited Grace and quiet, thoughtful Tilly go door to door in search of clues. The cul-de-sac starts to give up its secrets, and the amateur detectives uncover much more than ever imagined. As they try to make sense of what they’ve seen and heard, a complicated history of deception begins to emerge. Everyone on the Avenue has something to hide, a reason for not fitting in.

In the suffocating heat of the summer, the ability to guard these differences becomes impossible. Along with the parched lawns and the melting pavement, the lives of all the neighbors begin to unravel. What the girls don’t realize is that the lies told to conceal what happened one fateful day about a decade ago are the same ones Mrs. Creasy was beginning to peel back just before she disappeared.

I hope you will join us for the discussion at the end of January! Remember, there will be a free book giveaway to one lucky commenter. Happy reading, everyone!

2 Comments Filed Under: Book Club Tagged With: book club, book review, free book, giveaway, Joanna Cannon, The Trouble with Goats and Sheep
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November 29, 2016

Virtual Book Club Discussion: Big Magic

big magicThanks for joining us for this month’s virtual book club on Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert! It’s easy to participate: Just read the book, and then at your own convenience, add your thoughts to the comments section. You can respond to any of these discussion questions—or just share what you thought of the book.

And as a bonus, I’ll give away a free book to one lucky commenter!

***

A friend recommended this book to me recently, after asking what my next creative endeavor would be. She lives a creative life, whether she’s making a meal, writing a clever email, or learning a new skill, so I was eager to heed her recommendation.

I found some of the ideas at the beginning of the book a little wonky (like the idea that the plotlines of books are just floating around in space, waiting to be received by a willing author—really?!). But the principles for living a creative life, regardless of what form that creativity takes, resonated with me.

Discussion #1: The Courage of Creating

For me, writing a book felt a lot like jumping off a high dive—terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. So the idea that creativity takes courage made a lot of sense to me. I liked the author’s perspective that “fear is boring.”

My fear always made predictably boring decisions, like a choose-your-own-ending book that always had the same ending: nothingness.

Why do you think creating something feels so scary? What creative tasks have you tackled in the face of your fears?

Discussion #2: The Curse of Perfectionism

As a recovering perfectionist, I know what it’s like to hear that voice whisper in your ear that if you can’t do it right, you might as well not do it at all. I’m thinking I should hang this advice from the author’s mom on my office wall or above the stove in my kitchen: “Done is better than good.”

A good-enough novel violently written now is better than a perfect novel meticulously written never.

Do you struggle with perfectionism? When is this a good trait, and when does it get in the way?

Discussion #3: The Role of Failure in Creativity

If there’s one fear that thwarts creativity more than anything else, I’d venture to say it’s the fear of failure. But failure is an essential part of the creative process. In the chapter “Do Something Else,” Elizabeth Gilbert poses the question, “How do you keep living a creative life after you’ve failed?”

First of all, forgive yourself. Remember that you’re nothing but a beginner—even if you’ve been working on your craft for fifty years. We are all just beginners here, and we shall all die beginners.

It’s encouraging to me that even a bestselling author considers herself a beginner; that creates space for the rest of us to be beginners too.

What new ventures are you afraid to try because you don’t want to fail? Does it help to know that we’re all beginners when it comes to creativity?

Discussion #4: Not Caring What Other People Think

In the chapter entitled “Nobody’s Thinking about You,” the author quotes her mentor as saying:

We all spend our twenties and thirties trying to be perfect, because we’re so worried about what people will think of us. Then we get into our forties and fifties, and we finally start to be free, because we decide that we don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of us. But you won’t be completely free until you reach your sixties and seventies, when you finally realize this liberating truth—nobody was ever thinking about you, anyhow.

Have you found it to be true that you care less about what other people think of you as you get older? Do we have to wait until we’re in our sixties and seventies to be free from the fear of what other people think?

Rating

I would give this book four stars out of five. I could have done without some of the wonky worldview, but I appreciated Gilbert’s insights and inspirations about living a creative life.

How many stars would you give this book? And what will your next creative endeavor be?

 

10 Comments Filed Under: Book Club, book review Tagged With: Big Magic, creativity, Elizabeth Gilbert, perfectionism, writing
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November 15, 2016

Backdoor Blessings

autumnSometimes God shows off when he’s answering your prayers. He comes straight through the front door—bold, undeniable, in your face.

You knock, and the door opens.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7

Other times you pound on the door of heaven—asking, begging, pleading for a miracle. You plant yourself on his doorstep, vowing not to budget until you get the answer you came for. You stay the night, alternating between shouting loud enough to wake the neighborhood and whispering your desperation through the keyhole.

He told you to knock, so you knock.

He told you to ask, so you ask.

For healing.
For a job.
For love.
For a child.
For a way out of the darkness.

And sometimes you get the storybook ending. The front door flings wide open. Prayers are answered. Miracles happen. Dreams are fulfilled. Hopes are quenched.

But there are other times when the front door remains firmly shut. Day after day passes, followed by night after silent night. Your knocking seems to go unheard—or unheeded. Before long your voice is hoarse and your arms lack the strength to even reach the door knocker.

Spent and prayerless, you slump on the front porch.

***

My friend Mary moved from the Midwest to Florida several years ago to become a full-time caregiver for her mother, who was suffering from dementia and could no longer live alone. She was glad to be able to help her mom after her mom had done the same for her, but she missed her job and her friends back home. The homesickness for the Midwest struck particularly in the fall. I wish I could see some fall colors, she thought wistfully one October day.

That evening, at the end of a long day of caring for her mother, their role reversal becoming more evident with each passing day, Mary took a rare moment to stand on the balcony. Before her eyes the sunset sky was filled with the colors of home—sugar-maple red, poplar yellow, feisty orange.

It wasn’t the beauty she’d been looking for, but it was beautiful. It was enough.

Sometimes God’s answers come through the back door.

He heals a soul instead of a body. He doesn’t remove the darkness; he reminds you he’s in it with you. He says no, but he says it in love. He sends a fall scene in the unexpected from of a sunset.

Whatever it is you are knocking about today, know that the blessing will come. The answer will come. But don’t forget to check the back door too.

13 Comments Filed Under: Seasons Tagged With: autumn, beauty, blessings, fall, Prayer, surprises, waiting
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November 2, 2016

Adventures in Book Clubbing

Every time my grandmother sees me, she asks, with a twinkle in her eye, “How many book clubs are you in now, dear?”

It’s a valid question.

At any given time, I am most likely participating in between three and four book clubs: my virtual book club on this blog, a book club at work, my Sunday evening book club, and the occasional temporary book club with friends.

Now that I spell it all out like that, it does sound like a bit of a problem.

Every year in October, my Sunday evening book club has a tradition of dressing up like a book character, and the rest of us try to guess the book. This year I was feeling uninspired by our selections from the past year, and I was lamenting my lack of ideas to Daniel. That’s wbook-clubhen he came up with this ingenious idea: to dress up as myself.

And that’s what I did. I dressed up as the me on the cover of I Was Blind (Dating), but Now I See. People hardly even recognized me.

Here’s a picture of my wonderful book club friends. (You’ll also notice costumes from The Snow Child, A Man Called Ove, and The Goldfinch, plus my aunt in an apron from some unspecified book).

***Blind Dating

If your book club is interested in reading my book and having me talk to your group, I’d be happy to participate, either in person or via Skype! Just send me a message through this site, and we can talk about details. Happy reading, everyone!

 

2 Comments Filed Under: Literature Tagged With: book characters, book club, book group, books, costumes, Halloween, literature
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October 21, 2016

Friday Favorites for October

friday_favorites_header1

Happy Friday, everyone! Here are a few of my recent favorite finds, from literary costumes to the most popular book the year you were born to the oldest picture book. Enjoy!

For anyone still looking for a Halloween costume . . .

These literary-themed costumes are adorable (and some aren’t that hard to pull off). Will someone please try the Curious George/Man with the Yellow Hat combination? 19 Book-Inspired Halloween Costumes for Kids and Adults

For anyone who likes to trace trends . . .

This is a fascinating glimpse into what Americans have been reading, year by year, since 1930. (It’s also interesting to note the changing book cover trends.) What Was the Most Popular Book the Year You Were Born?

For anyone who likes old things . . .

The oldest picture book for children dates back to the 1600s and featured—believe it or not—animal sounds! I guess some things don’t change. (Although apparently animal noises do: 17th-century ducks said kah kah, and chickens said pi pi.) The Very First Picture Book

For anyone who has pinned a pretty verse on Pinterest . . .

This post is simultaneously hilarious and sobering. “Beware the Instagram Bible, my daughters—those filtered frames festooned with feathered verses, adorned in all manner of loops and tails, bedecked with blossoms, saturated with sunsets, culled and curated just for you…” The Instagram Bible

For anyone who has wondered about the mystery of marriage . . .

This post is a poignant and honest glimpse into one couple’s relationship: “Marriage is not one + one = two. It isn’t even one + one = one. Marriage is (one – one) + (one – one) = one.” The Strange Math of Marriage

1 Comment Filed Under: Friday Favorites Tagged With: Bible, books, children's books, costumes, literature, marriage
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October 19, 2016

Winner of the Sweetest Day Contest!

Hope you all felt the sweetness on Sweetest Day! Congratulations to Kristen, the winner of the Sweetest Day package. (Kristen, I’ll send you a private message about getting the package to you.)

If you have your own story to share about something sweet someone else did for you or something sweet you did for someone, please share it below!

Behave so the aroma of your actions may enhance the general sweetness of the atmosphere.
Henry David Thoreau

1 Comment Filed Under: Contest Winners
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October 14, 2016

The Sweetest Things

Is it just me, or does it seem like our world is a bit lacking in the sweetness department right now?

  • My newsfeed is filled with more political travesties than a person can ingest in a single sitting.
  • Swaths of the East Coast are still reeling from the aftermath of the hurricane.
  • At every turn, it seems, there’s a shooting in Chicago or a bombing in Aleppo or another racial injustice or a refugee crisis.

There is bitterness at every turn. Where, oh where, is the sweetness?

***

One of my best literary friends is Anne of Green Gables. She and I met when I was in fourth grade, and the friendship is one I never outgrew. In one of those mysteries unique to book-world, she seemed to grow with me. Each time I reread the series, I’d connect with parts of her and her story that I’d missed before. She hadn’t changed; I had.

One of the things I loved most about those books was the way “Anne with an e” savored the little things. Her story isn’t fueled by drama or intrigue or jaw-dropping plot twists; it’s made up of the little moments that become more beautiful simply by the noticing. Maybe that’s why I love this quote from Anne of Avonlea so much:

“After all,” Anne had said to Marilla once, “I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.”
L. M. Montgomery

Anne has gotten me to thinking that my question—“Where is the sweetness?”—may not be the right one to ask. Maybe the problem isn’t that there isn’t enough sweetness in the world; maybe I’m just not noticing it. And maybe there are some things I can do to make the world a sweeter place.

***

Tomorrow is Sweetest Day. I’m not one for Hallmark holidays, where people either feel guilted into proving their love with their wallets or feel left out because they don’t have a certain someone to celebrate with. But I am a fan of sweet things.

And if there was ever a year we need more sweetness, it must be this one.

When I started digging into the history of this holiday, I was surprised to discover that Sweetest Day wasn’t originally about romance at all.

The first Sweetest Day dates back to 1921, and apparently there was even a committee for the holiday. A dozen candy makers got together and called themselves “the Sweetest Day in the Year Committee.” (I have to believe those were the best board meetings ever.)

On October 10 of that year, they distributed more than 20,000 boxes of candy to people all over Cleveland, Ohio, who were in need of a little sweetness: newsboys, orphans, the elderly, and the underprivileged.

It wasn’t a big thing, perhaps. The distribution of candy surprises didn’t solve poverty or improve social conditions or change the economic infrastructure of the city. But like Anne said, sweetness isn’t always found in sweeping gestures or the grandiose declarations. Sometimes the little things can be the sweetest ones. Like pearls slipping off a string.

How will you make the world a little sweeter today? Maybe you can give someone a genuine compliment or buy a stranger’s coffee or mail a card to somebody who’s lonely. The thing about sweetness is that when you give it to someone else, it leaves a sweet aftertaste in yoflourishur own mouth too.

***

Your turn! Tell me something sweet you did for someone else or something sweet someone did for you, and you’ll be eligible to win a Sweetest Day package from me: Margaret Feinberg’s new book, Flourish, about how to “live loved,” plus a bag of Ghiradelli chocolates.

Happy Sweetest Day!

4 Comments Filed Under: Seasons Tagged With: Anne of Green Gables, candy, giveaway, L.M. Montgomery, Margaret Feinberg, Sweetest Day
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October 6, 2016

10 Things I’ve Learned in My 30s

birthday

It’s my 39th birthday this week, which has prompted me to do some reflecting on my thirties. Whenever people in their twenties ask me about turning thirty, I tell them that the thirties are so much better than the twenties, and I mean it. Here are some of the things I’ve learned over the past almost-decade:

1. It’s not up to you to make people like you.

As a recovering people-pleaser, I’ve spent chunks of decades worrying what other people think of me. Not only is this exhausting, it also makes it hard to tell who likes you for who you really are. Here’s my advice to my fellow people pleasers out there: Aim for pleasing God and being authentic to who he made you to be, and let everything else fall as it may.

2. Wear clothes that make you feel good.

How did it take me until I was thirtysomething to realize that I find dress pants soul-sucking? Take it from someone who wishes she’d had a sartorial epiphany sooner: Find your style. Embrace it. Then jettison the clothes you don’t like.

3. Find a groove that works for you.

In your twenties, you can get by on haphazard sleep and a slapdash schedule. But in my thirties, I’ve found that I need to identify the things that recharge me and then make them a priority. For me that includes things like going to bed by ten, taking walks to the library, carving out time to write, and having regular coffee dates with friends; otherwise I get wonky fast. What are the things that recharge you? Set aside time for those things, and don’t apologize for making them sacred.

4. Get out of your rut.

Okay, I realize I just said “find a groove,” but the flip side is that it’s also important to try new things every once in a while. I’m a creature of habit, so this takes intentionality for me, but I’ve come to realize that some of my most meaningful experiences have come from times I did something out of my comfort zone.

5. Be grateful for the present.

For most of my twenties, I found myself always looking ahead to what was next, whether out of worry or anticipation. Almost as soon as one prayer request was answered, I’d be on to the next one. But how much life do we miss out on when we’re constantly fast-forwarding into the next phase? I hope in my thirties I’ve been able to savor more, to be grateful for the right-now.

6. Love is worth the risk.

Love feels scary sometimes, and I’m not going to promise that love will never hurt. As C. S. Lewis says, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.” But I will vouch for the fact that even though love means opening yourself up to pain, the pain is worth it. And sometimes the pain itself increases your capacity for love.

7. Dream big and fail big.

I’m an INFJ by Meyers-Briggs personality type, meaning I’m not a natural-born risk taker. I’d rather play it safe and think something through from every possible angle to make sure I don’t fail or make a mistake. But here’s the truth: sometimes you just have to jump. You have to go all in, not having all the facts, not knowing how it’s going to end. And sometimes you will fail. But you know what? It’s okay. That’s not the end of the story; it just makes for an interesting side plot.

8. Embrace the little people in your life.

One of the best things about my thirties has been being an aunt to seven amazing nieces and nephews. Kids remind you how to laugh, how to ask big questions, and how to wonder again. Whether or not you have children or small relatives of your own, I highly recommend that you find some little people to invest in. I can’t guarantee if the kids will benefit, but you will definitely be the richer for it.

9. Call your mom.

When we’re young, I think most of us have a certain sense of invincibility—not only about ourselves but about those we love. We have this unchecked idea that our people will always be there for us in the same way they are now. But as I get older, I am becoming more aware of mortality—my own and other people’s. So I want to seize the little moments with the people I love—the ordinary phone calls with my mom, the discussions about life and the news with my dad, the trips to the zoo with my nieces and nephews, the Sunday visits with my grandma, the weekly crossword puzzles with my sister.

10. God is bigger and smarter than I am.

I have come up with plenty of scripts for my life over the years—plans for what I’d do and when I’d do it and how it would all unfold along the way. But it turns out that God has much better ideas than I could come up with—and he knows me better than I know myself. It’s usually not until retrospect that I can trace what he was doing, but I’ve been through enough with him by now to know that he’s doing something good, whether I can see it yet or not.

Bonus: Say yes to ice cream.

I’m already at #10 on my list, but Daniel made me coffee ice cream for my birthday, which reminded me of one more thing I need to add: leave a little room in your life for the sweet things.

***

How about you? What are you learning in this decade of your life?

16 Comments Filed Under: Seasons Tagged With: birthday, C. S. Lewis, Gratitude, love, risk, thirties, twenties
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