Stephanie Rische

Blogger and Writer: Capturing Stories of God's Grace

Book Discussion: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Lifechanging art of tidying upThanks for joining us for the virtual book club! It’s easy to participate. Just read the book, and then at your own convenience, add your thoughts in the comments section. You can respond to any of these discussion questions—or just say what you thought of the book.

And as a bonus, I’ll give away a free book to one lucky commenter!

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I have to say that I was a reluctant adopter to read this book. I prefer to read books where the story is the main thing, whether that’s in the form of a novel or a memoir. The problem with self-help books is that they typically require you to do something besides sit in a comfy chair and read. But so many people were talking about this book (many of whom claimed it changed their life, just as the title promises) that I finally caved.

Here’s my take, in a nutshell: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up didn’t change my life, but it did change my closet.

Discussion #1: What is your tolerance for clutter?

The author claims that “tidying up” isn’t just about having fewer belongings or about being organized; it’s about freeing yourself up to become the person you were meant to be.

Keep only those things that speak to your heart. Then take the plunge and discard all the rest. By doing this, you can reset your life and embark on a new lifestyle.

She has a point here—when we have too much stuff, it can certainly bog us down. But I think everyone has a different level of comfort with clutter. Some people enjoy space for a little creative messiness; other people feel peace when their counters are clean and their closets are organized.

Where do you fall on the spectrum? How much clutter is too much for you?

Discussion #2: What tips resonated with you?

I appreciated that this book encouraged some self-reflection not just about what we keep but about why we keep it. As I went through my clothes, I realized my default question is typically “Do I wear this?” not “Does this spark joy?”

When we really delve into the reasons for why we can’t let something go, there are only two: an attachment to the past or a fear for the future.

Serendipitously, I read this book the week after my company changed their dress code to allow jeans. I don’t think I had realized up to this point that dress pants spark zero joy in my life. As I write this, I am happily wearing jeans, and my dress pants are on a rack at Goodwill, hoping to spark joy in a new owner.

Was there something you got rid of after reading this book? How did you feel after you got rid of it? Do you tend to hold on to things because of sentimentality or a desire to prepared?

Discussion #3: What parts of the book didn’t click for you?

While I felt like I could glean insight form the author’s overall principles, some of her specifics were a little on the wonky side for me. She sounds very earnest in her claim that “folding is really a form of dialogue with your wardrobe.” Now I may have conversations with my laundry, but usually it’s a one-sided ordeal with exclamations like “Oh dear, I left you in the washer overnight.”

The part where my blood pressure started rising, however, was the section on books. For all that the author claims that objects have feelings, there is a surprising lack of sensitivity toward my beloved book-friends.

The true purpose [of books] is to be read, to convey the information to their readers.

There is no meaning in their just being on your shelves.

What?! Books aren’t just vehicles of information; they are companions for life! I confess to being rather horrified about her former habit of slicing pages out of books to keep the pages that sparked joy and discard the rest. I did get rid of a few titles that fall into the category of “books I feel like I should read but probably never will,” but that did little to pare down my three stuffed bookshelves.

So what are you sentimental about? For me it’s books, but for you maybe it’s photos, knickknacks, or gifts. What didn’t work for you in the KonMari method?

Rating

I would give this book three stars (out of five).

I’d say it’s worth reading as long as you go into it with the idea that you can personalize these concepts so they make sense for you—for your personality and your home and your unique situation. Weed out the wonky parts (like taping shut the eyes of your stuffed animals before giving them away), and just use what works for you. But if you’re in need of inspiration to declutter, this will give you the spark you need.

How would you rate this book?

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Remember: I’m giving away a FREE BOOK to one lucky commenter! Just write a comment about the book below to be eligible.

When Love Is Pronounced “Donut”

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Did you know that sometimes people are actually saying “I love you,” even when like the words coming out of their mouths sound altogether different? It’s true. Case in point: Sometimes people try to form the word “love” and it comes out sounding like “donut.”

When I was a kid, we’d go to Washington State every summer to visit my grandparents. There were so many fun memories from those July days: picking raspberries in Grandpa’s garden, going waterskiing on the Columbia River, and playing endless games of shuffleboard in Grandma and Grandpa’s backyard.

But one of my favorite memories from those trips was waking up early to the heavenly smell of homemade donuts. Without fail, Grandma would get up before the crack of dawn so she could whip together the first batch. By the time everyone else woke up, the countertops were lined with doughy goodness: traditional circle donuts, donut holes, and donuts dusted with powdered sugar. By the time I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and ambled to the kitchen in all my pajamaed glory, Grandma had been on her feet for hours.

I’m not sure I could have articulated it then, but now I know that what she was saying with those donuts was “I love you.” If Gary Chapman ever adds a sixth love language to his classic book, I’m lobbying for it to be food. Because food is, without a doubt, the way Grandma communicates love.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize that love doesn’t have as narrow of a definition as I used to imagine. Maybe I’d watched one too many romantic comedies or Disney-fied fairy tales, but I used to have the notion that love was primarily a happily-ever-after sort of thing that’s found only on rare occasions. And I had the idea that if you loved someone, you probably had to make an eloquent speech about it.

But now I’m starting to realize that there is so much love all around, if only we can recognize it. And there are a lot of ways to express that love beyond the traditional “I love you.”

When your mom says, “Call me when you get home,” she’s really saying “I love you.”
When your dad says, “I can fix that for you,” he’s really saying “I love you.”
When your friend says, “Let’s get coffee,” she’s really saying “I love you.”
When God paints a sunrise for you just as you’re walking out the door, he’s really saying “I love you.”

And of course, when your grandma makes you donuts, she’s really saying “I love you.”

One of the greatest gifts of writing my memoir was getting to relive a chunk of my life and trace all the love that came in unexpected places. No, it didn’t come in the form of a husband and kids during that season of my life the way I’d planned. But even so, God was pouring out so much love onto me that it seeped out through every crack and crevice.

How often do we miss the love because it doesn’t come in the package we expect?

Today is National Donut Day, but I’d like to hereby proclaim it National Look-for-the-Love Day. So whatever form loves comes to you in today, whether via donuts or otherwise, I urge you to recognize it for what it is. Embrace the love, even when it comes in an unlikely package.

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So what’s your story? When has love come to you in an unexpected way or from an unexpected source?

Share the love . . .

If you share this post, you will be eligible to win TWO Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards—one for you and one to share with someone you love.

Friday Favorites for May

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Happy Friday, everyone! Here are a few of my recent favorites for this month.

For anyone who is looking for a literary vacation this summer . . .

Here is a fun quiz about the number of literary landmarks you’ve visited. Or you can use it to make it your vacation wish list: How Many of These Literary Landmarks Have You Been To?

For anyone itching to move . . .

Did you know that a third of all Americans would move to another state if they could? This fascinating map shows where people are most content (and discontent) with where they live. No shocker here, but apparently people in Hawaii are pretty happy to stay where they are. See where your state ranks: Map of States Where People Want to Move Away

For anyone in their 30s or 40s . . .

Beth Moore offers these words of encouragement to those who have come of age spiritually: “You didn’t know it was going to be like this. You had no idea what you’d stepped into. You think you must have done something wrong to make it this hard.” To Servants of Jesus in Your 30s and 40s

For anyone who has had a long year . . .

Kara Tippetts started a mommy blog called Mundane Faithfulness several years ago. She had no way of knowing at the time that she would later be diagnosed with breast cancer, and this would become a spot for her to share God’s faithfulness in the midst of her pain. This post was written by her husband, a year after her death. It’s a beautiful picture of how God’s grace shows up even in the hardest of years. A Long Year

For anyone who knows the dread of getting the c-word diagnosis . . .

If anyone you love has been affected by cancer, you will be touched by this true story by a mom whose son Chase was diagnosed with a brain tumor before his third birthday. You will be inspired by this little boy who is full of life and courage and laughter in the midst of a diagnosis his parents never would have chosen. To find helpful tips on what to say to someone who has recently been diagnosed with cancer, visit the Chase Away Cancer site. To read the whole inspiring story, you can order the book, Chase Away Cancer.

 

My Adoption Story (and Baby N’s Too)

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{Photo from lifeversedesign.com}

I’ve always been a little in awe (and maybe a teensy jealous) of people who have epic conversion stories. My story about coming to faith has always felt a little, well, boring. But something happened recently that completely changed my perspective.

Maybe I don’t have a quit-drugs-and-become-a-missionary-in-Africa story, but my story is no less epic. My story, in a nutshell, is this: God adopted me.

You are wanted.

Last year, two people I love dearly felt an undeniable tug on their hearts to adopt a baby. They already had two stellar kids, but they couldn’t shake the notion that their family wasn’t quite complete. That maybe God wanted to grow their family . . . and stitch it together with some different threads this time.

It would have been a lot easier to brush off the idea and stuff into the back of a closet along with the boxes of clothes their kids had outgrown.

It wasn’t practical. After all, there was a lot of paperwork involved. Home studies, red tape, profiles, interviews, bureaucracy, and more paperwork.

It was expensive. The fees were staggering—and that was to say nothing of the emotional toll.

It was an emotional roller coaster. Deciding to adopt means putting your heart on the line, setting yourself up for rejection, wondering if things will fall apart right up to the last minute. And waiting. At every stage, more waiting.

In short, adoption means opening your heart to get broken time and time again.

You are chosen.

After months of waiting, this mom and dad got the word: a birth mother had selected them! But this was only the beginning. They would have to leave their two other kids at home for a couple of weeks and then fly 2,000 miles away to finalize everything.

And even then, there was no way to be sure everything would go through. There was no guarantee that their hearts wouldn’t be broken.

But they wanted this baby. They had chosen this baby. And they were ready to fly to the ends of the earth, or least to the edge of the Rockies, to bring him home.

You are loved.

This little boy hadn’t even been born yet, and already he was loved beyond measure. His parents loved him. His big brother and sister loved him. His grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and church already loved him. The prayers for him crisscrossed the nation, and he hadn’t even taken his first breath.

Finally the day came . . . the day that was the culmination of so much waiting, so many hopes, so many prayers. The papers were signed. The name was inked on the birth certificate. Everything was declared official in court.

They went home to start this new chapter, this new life, this new family of five together.

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And that is almost precisely my story. I didn’t do anything to make my heavenly Father want me or choose me or love me. God went to great lengths and much heartache to pursue me and chase me down and bring me home, all while I was ignorant of his parental wooing.

I don’t know where you find yourself today, but this can be your story too. You may think you’re too far gone for God to take you or that you aren’t good enough or lovable enough. But he wants you. He chooses you. He loves you.

He went to extravagant lengths to get you.
He paid a scandalous price for you.
He gave you his name.
And he will bring you home.

As of now, Baby N can only coo and sleep and eat—he’s not big enough to grasp the epic drama he’s starring in. Yet already his life has given me a glimpse of God’s love—his impractical, lavish, unquantifiable, unstoppable love. The kind of love that traverses multiple time zones and reams of paperwork to make us his very own daughters and sons.

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God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.
—Ephesians 1:5

 

This Is How You Write

writingThis week I’m speaking at a writers’ conference in Seattle. I’m excited to meet the writers and hear their stories, because writers are made from special cloth.

Whether you write in the privacy of your own journal or on a blog or in the form of notes to your kids, there’s something brave about putting words onto paper.

I wrote this manifesto to share with the writers I meet this week—and with you, too. In case I don’t get to sit down with you in a one-on-one session, happy writing!

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This Is How You Write

Write it down. Scratch it out. Start over again.

This is how you write.

Write. Edit. Delete. Cry.

Breathe.

Rethink. Rewrite. Reorganize. Revise.

Repeat.

This is how you write.

Put on your sweatpants. Get a cup of tea. Plant yourself in the chair and tell your fingers to type.

This is how you write.

Spend time with imaginary people. Fall into a rabbit hole of research. Believe that productivity isn’t always measured by word count.

This is how you write.

Chain-read books. Soak up the different voices. Then find your own.

This is how you write.

Ignore the laundry, the dishes, the clock ticking inevitably toward dinner.

This is how you write.

Eavesdrop at the car wash, the grocery store, the DMV. Store up nuggets of dialogue.

This is how you write.

Get a snack. Check Facebook-Instagram-Twitter-YouTube. Stare out the window. Get another snack.

This is how you write.

Create, like your Father before you. Mark this space as sacred.

This is how you write.

Also: ignore the people who say “This is how you write.”

Do it your own way.

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What else would you add to the list about how to write?

10 True Things for Those Who Wait

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My niece, waiting for her daddy to come home

As I look around lately, I see so many people I love waiting for something close to their heart. Waiting for a house to sell, waiting for medical results to come back, waiting for a dark cloud to lift, waiting for a long-desired prayer to be answered.

And as Mother’s Day approaches, it seems to me that the holiday can trigger the ache of waiting in particularly poignant ways, especially for those who are waiting for a child to join their family, or for those who are waiting for a child to return home, or for those who long to see their moms again in heaven.

If you find yourself in a waiting season right now, here are 10 true things you should know.

1. Waiting is an act of courage. If you are waiting, believe me: you are brave!

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
—Psalm 27:14

2. Waiting can make a person weary. But you are stronger than you know.

Those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
—Isaiah 40:31

3. God is not oblivious to your waiting.

As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.
—Micah 7:7

4. When you feel like you can’t wait any longer, there is hope.

I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word.
—Psalm 119:81

5. There are special blessings for those who wait.

The Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.
—Isaiah 30:18

6. Your waiting doesn’t mean God has forgotten you.

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.
—Lamentations 3:25-26

7. Even in your waiting, you’re not alone.

Lord, be merciful to us, for we have waited for you. Be our strong arm each day and our salvation in times of trouble.
—Isaiah 33:2

8. Talk to God about your waiting. He delights in listening.

Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.
—Psalm 5:3

9. It is possible to wait well.

I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.
—Habakkuk 2:1

10. Your waiting is making you beautiful.

If we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.
—Romans 8:25

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What are you waiting for right now? I’d be honored to pray for you as you wait. To find out more about my story of waiting, you can read my book, I Was Blind (Dating), but Now I See.

I am giving away a flower delivery with this post! If you share this post, you’ll be eligible to win a flower arrangement . . . delivered to you or someone you love!

 

The Blooms You Didn’t Plant

daffsOne dreary Sunday afternoon last month, when I found myself in an unaccountable funk, Daniel motioned for me to join him at the kitchen window. “I want to show you something,” he said. “You seem grumpy, and I think this will help.”

Grudgingly, I shuffled over to the window, not convinced that anything in the bleak backyard would shake me from my Eeyore-like state. My eyes followed where his finger was pointing, but I didn’t see anything un-grumpifying.

Then I looked harder. Was that a shoot of green amid the brown leaves and post-winter detritus?

I gasped. Could it be . . . ?

Daniel just grinned. Sometimes he knows me better than I know myself.

“Daffodils!” I squealed, loud enough for the entire zip code to hear.

Daniel and I moved into our new home last summer, which means this is our first spring here. I haven’t planted a thing, and the other surprises we’ve come across in the house so far haven’t exactly been pleasant ones, so it didn’t occur to me that there might be some mystery perennials in the garden out back.

But when I saw those brave little shoots sticking their heads out of the cold Midwest soil . . . well, it felt like hope you can see with your own two eyes.

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Long before I met Daniel, when I lived alone in my townhouse, I planted daffodils one November with no shovel, only a dull kitchen knife for assistance. The ground was stubborn, but I was even more so.

I was in a funk that day too. I had prayed about one thing for so long, and I could see no sprouts of hope, no signs that spring would come. I wanted—needed—a tangible symbol of hope.

So I went outside and forced those dead-looking bulbs six inches under the ground.

And then I waited.

Sure enough, spring did come. And that thing I’d been praying for came true too, although in a different way and on a different timeline than I ever could have predicted.

And perhaps most shocking of all was the transformation that happened along the way. Over the course of the long winter, the bulbs transformed from shriveled-up turnipy-looking things into bursts of sunshine outside my window. And somewhere along the way, new life bloomed in my heart, too.

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Now it’s April, and I marvel at the scene outside my kitchen window—at those clusters of golden, those blooms I didn’t plant myself. And it occurs to me that so often in my life I have benefitted from the perennials other people have planted. They dug deep and packed hope firmly into the soil, and now I bask in the fruits of their labor . . . sometimes long after they’re gone.

There are the parents who planted laughter and love and joy and perseverance.

There are the grandparents who planted faith and loyalty and hard work.

There are the teachers who planted books and words.There are the mentors who planted hospitality and grace.

And I wonder, what are we planting today for the people who come behind us?

They may never fully appreciate the sacrifice.

They may never say thank you.

You may never even meet them face to face.

But somewhere, on some April morning, the bulbs you planted will spring up, like shoots of hope, and those who come behind you will rejoice over the blooms they didn’t plant.

No winter lasts forever.  No spring skips its turn.  April is a promise that May is bound to keep.  And we know it.
—Hal Borland

 

Friday Favorites for April

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For anyone who wonders what to do with those old books . . .

I have a hard time getting rid of old books, but maybe if I could make art like this, it would be easier: Paper Art Teacups

For anyone who is going to be in a wedding this year . . .

We all know how expensive it is to host a wedding, but what about being in one? This graphic breaks down how much it costs to be a bridesmaid in each region of the country: How Much Does It Cost to Be a Bridesmaid?

For anyone who feels stuck in the ordinary . . .

Sarah Bessey writes about the spiritual epiphany she experienced while cleaning Rice Krispies from her kitchen floor. If you’ve ever felt mired in ordinary tasks that don’t feel very epic or eternally significant, this post is for you: Rice Krispies

For any writers in need of inspiration . . .

C. S. Lewis had some surprisingly relevant insights about the writing process, including tips about typewriters, what topics to write about, and Christianese. 15 Pieces of Writing Advice from C. S. Lewis

For anyone who is grieving . . .

September Vaudrey wrote an achingly beautiful book about losing her 19-year-old daughter Katie to a brain aneurysm. This is the most honest, articulate depiction of grief I’ve ever read, but it’s also laced with hope and joy. “And this is surrender: inviting laughter and sorrow to dance together in our lives, day by day and hand in hand.” If you’ve experienced loss of any kind, I highly recommend this book. Colors of Goodbye

 

What It’s Like to Be Married to an Author

book signing 1On the day I brought home a real-live copy of my book to show Daniel, I exclaimed, “Look! We wrote a book!”

He was quick to point out my pronoun usage: “No, YOU wrote a book.”

But I hadn’t misspoken. This has been a Daniel-and-Stephanie Team project from the beginning.

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I will never forget one woman’s response after Daniel and I got engaged. While everyone else in the room was squealing and asking things like “When is the wedding?” “What will your colors be?” “How did he propose?” she posed a different question altogether: “Do you make each other better people?”

I remember staring at her rather blankly. I stammered something I hoped was vaguely positive, but the truth was, I didn’t really know. I knew that Daniel was a good man and that I wanted to be on his team forever, but did he make me a better person? Did I make him a better person? I hoped so.

Four years and a book contract later, and I now know: He absolutely makes me a better person.

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Not long after Daniel and I got married, I got this harebrained notion that God was stirring up words inside my brain and heart and that I needed to find some way to get them out. It was Daniel who encouraged me to start the blog, and it was Daniel who convinced me to press “Publish” on that very first entry when I got cold feet.

A couple of years later, it was Daniel who encouraged me to pay what seemed like an extravagant expense for a “real” website.

Then, when I discovered I had a book inside me, it was Daniel who assured me I could do it. When I took days off from work to write, he didn’t complain when he came home to find that not only was the house a mess and there were no thoughts of dinner being circulated, but I had very little actual writing to show for myself.

When the book was finally about to make its debut into the world and I panicked that people would actually be reading it, it was Daniel who prayed for me and reminded me that this was God’s book, not mine.

Yes, WE wrote a book.

So it only seems fitting, now that the book has made its way into the world, that Daniel joined me for one of my radio interviews.

Recently I was interviewed by Frankie Picasso on The Good Radio Network. The morning of the interview she contacted me with an inspiration: “What do you think about having Daniel call in at the end of the show?”

He was game (can we say “Husband of the Year”?), and it was absolutely my favorite interview I’ve done. I’ve been telling my side of the story all this time (all 293 pages of it), and I loved being able to hear his side of things.

Thank you, Daniel—you do make me a better person.

A marriage made in Heaven is one where a man and a woman become more richly themselves together than the chances are either of them could ever have managed to become alone.
–Frederick Buechner

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To listen to the interview, you can download it or listen online at FrankieSense and More.

Book Club Selection for May

Lifechanging art of tidying upThanks to everyone who participated in our conversation about A Man Called Ove, where we talked about crotchety old men, cats, and finding purpose in life.

Congratulations to Linda, the winner of the free book giveaway! (Linda, I’ll send you a private message about getting the book to you.)

Our next online book selection is The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I’ve been hearing so much buzz about this book lately, and besides, now that it’s April, I’m feeling the spring cleaning itch. I hope you’ll join me in reading (and possibly even tidying up)!

Here’s the publisher’s description of the book:

This guide to decluttering your home from Japanese cleaning consultant Marie Kondo takes readers step-by-step through her revolutionary KonMari Method for simplifying, organizing, and storing.

Despite constant efforts to declutter your home, do papers still accumulate like snowdrifts and clothes pile up like a tangled mess of noodles?

Japanese cleaning consultant Marie Kondo takes tidying to a whole new level, promising that if you properly simplify and organize your home once, you’ll never have to do it again. Most methods advocate a room-by-room or little-by-little approach, which doom you to pick away at your piles of stuff forever. The KonMari Method, with its revolutionary category-by-category system, leads to lasting results. In fact, none of Kondo’s clients have lapsed (and she still has a three-month waiting list).

With detailed guidance for determining which items in your house “spark joy” (and which don’t), this book featuring Tokyo’s newest lifestyle phenomenon will help you clear your clutter and enjoy the unique magic of a tidy home—and the calm, motivated mindset it can inspire.

We’ll be discussing this book at the end of May. I hope you will join us!