Stephanie Rische

Blogger and Writer: Capturing Stories of God's Grace

Book Club Discussion: Scary Close

Scary closeThanks to everyone who participated in our book discussion about Scary Close this month! I’d love to hear your thoughts about this book.

My recap: Scary Close is one of the best books I’ve read about vulnerability and relationships and the special brand of courage it takes to let another person look inside your soul. I put it right next to Daring Greatly on the bookshelf of my brain.

Discussion #1: Vulnerability is hard

It’s mystifying and maddening how the one thing we want most (to know and be known) is also one of the scariest things we can do as human beings. Donald Miller says, “I hardly knew who I was myself, much less how to be fully known.”

Do you think you have to know yourself first to be known by others? Why or why not?

Discussion #2: Sorting out the truth about yourself

When Donald Miller is reflecting on his childhood, he says, “I realized in running and hiding I’d sided with the other kids, I’d learned to believe there was something wrong with me. And it wasn’t true.”

Are there any lies you’ve believed about yourself since you were a child that you’re coming to realize aren’t true? What has helped you see the truth?

Discussion #3: Real love

I appreciated watching Donald Miller come to understand what deep, lasting love looks like. It isn’t always glamorous or flashy—in fact, he calls it “that long, boring love that happens when a couple quietly eats cereal together while they read the paper.”

Do you think love is built mostly in small moments or big moments, or both?

Discussion #4: The upside of vulnerability

My favorite part of this book is the way it honestly describes the hard parts of vulnerability but also beautifully depicts the redemptive parts of sharing your true self with another person: “My flaws were the ways through which I would receive grace. We don’t think of our flaws as the glue that binds us to the people we love, but they are.”

Are there people in your life who see you as you are, flaws and all? How have these people given you glimpses of God’s grace?

Rating

I would give this book five stars (out of five). In my opinion, this is Donald Miller’s best and most honest book, and I’ve been forcing it on just about everyone I know.

How would you rate this book?

Remember: I’ll be giving away a free book to one lucky commenter! Respond by Friday to be eligible.

 

Announcing the Next Book Club: Scary Close

Scary closeThanks to everyone who participated in our discussion about All the Light We Cannot See! I loved hearing everyone’s insights and favorite parts. To jump in on our conversation about World War II books, life through the eyes of someone who’s blind, and finding light in the darkest of times, you can stop by here.

And now, congratulations to Elizabeth! You were randomly selected as a winner of a free book for this book discussion. (Elizabeth, I’ll send you a private message about getting your book.)

Our next book club will be about Scary Close by Donald Miller. Here’s the description of the book from the back cover:

New York Times bestselling memoirist Donald Miller takes readers on his year-long journey to learn to abandon performance-based relationships and find real intimacy.

After decades of failed relationships and painful drama, Donald Miller decided he’d had enough. Impressing people wasn’t helping him connect with anyone. He’d built a life of public isolation, yet he dreamed of meaningful relationships. So at forty years old he made a scary decision: to be himself no matter what it cost.

Scary Close is an audiobook about the risk involved in choosing to impress fewer people and connect with more, about the freedom that comes when we stop acting and start loving. It is a story about knocking down old walls to create a healthy mind, a strong family, and a satisfying career. And it all feels like a conversation with the best kind of friend: smart, funny, true, important.

We will be discussing the book in July. Hope you can join us!

 

Book Club Discussion: All the Light We Cannot See

All the LightWelcome to our virtual book club for May! Our book for this month is All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. It’s easy to participate: just write a comment in the comment section in response to one of these questions or about anything else you’d like to discuss.

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Truth be told, I wasn’t sure I was in the mood to read a war book this month. And truth #2 be told, I wasn’t sure I wanted to read a World War II book. I just may have binged on them as a teenager, and I thought I’d exceeded my quota. But enough people recommended the book to me that I finally caved. And I’m glad I did—this is unlike any other war book you’ve ever read.

All the Light We Cannot See is about a French girl named Marie Laure, who is blind, and a German soldier, Werner, both of whom are caught in the crossfires of World War II. The chapters alternately tell their stories as their paths come closer together and eventually collide.

I heard it took Anthony Doerr ten years to write this book, and I’m not surprised. His details are luscious—I felt like I was able to see, smell, hear, and feel every scene.

Discussion #1: Can you remain human in war?

One of the things I appreciated most about this book was the way it put a human face on both sides of the war. I’d never given in-depth thought to what might lead a person to become a Nazi, and seeing Werner’s story gave me more sympathy for him while still feeling the pain Marie Laure and her family went through. I also appreciated the reminder that in the darkest times, against all odds, there were people who showed courage and generosity and kindness to one another—even their enemies.

Do you tend to like books about war? Why or why not? Which character(s) do you think showed great courage?

Discussion #2: What would it be like to be blind?

Marie-Laure says, “To shut your eyes is to guess nothing of blindness.” I was taken by the author’s ability to describe sensory details so vividly. As my aunt told me after she read the book, Doerr “painted sound.” This palpability made the lovely scenes even more beautiful and the terrifying scenes even more tense (like when Marie-Laure was opening the can when a soldier lurked downstairs!). And while this book gives only a window into what it might be like to be blind, it was fascinating to read how sharp the other senses become when one of them is missing.

What do you think would be the most challenging part of not having sight? What did you think of Marie-Laure’s father’s patience as he taught her to memorize her city?

Discussion #3: What do you think the title means?

The title has so many layers—more with each chapter I read. When Werner and his sister, Jutta, hear the French broadcast on the radio, it concludes with these words: “Open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close forever.” Beyond the obvious connection to Marie-Laure’s blindness, this title seems to hint that there’s goodness in people you wouldn’t expect (case in point: Werner). There are some people who are physically blind but can see truth, and there are people with vision who miss the goodness and beauty around them.

Did you like the title? What prompted you to pick up the book?

Discussion #4: What did you think of the book’s structure?

The chapters are very short, and told from shifting perspectives. On top of that, the story jumps in time, unfolding outside of chronological order. The alternating points of view work well to give us empathy for both stories, but the rapid switching felt jarring to me at first. And I often found myself disoriented about the timing and flipping back through pages to check the date. I give credit to the author for his creative approach, and while this definitely serves to build the suspense, it took me out of the story at times.

What did you think of the way the author told the story?

Rating

How many stars would you give this book?

I liked that this book was a fresh take on World War II, and I appreciated the sensory details and nuanced characters. I also appreciated the underlying theme of thriving in adversity, as captured by Madame Manec’s question: “Don’t you want to be alive before you die?”

I would give it 4 out of 5 stars.

{Remember: I’ll give away a free book to one lucky commenter!}

Next Book Club Selection: All the Light We Cannot See

All the LightThanks to everyone who participated in last month’s virtual book club about Wild, which we discussed here. The winner of the free book giveaway is Liz! (Liz, I’ll contact you with a separate message about getting the book to you.)

The next book club selection is All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. Here’s the description from the book’s website:

Marie Laure lives with her father in Paris within walking distance of the Museum of Natural History where he works as the master of the locks (there are thousands of locks in the museum). When she is six, she goes blind, and her father builds her a model of their neighborhood, every house, every manhole, so she can memorize it with her fingers and navigate the real streets with her feet and cane. When the Germans occupy Paris, father and daughter flee to Saint-Malo on the Brittany coast, where Marie-Laure’s agoraphobic great uncle lives in a tall, narrow house by the sea wall.

In another world in Germany, an orphan boy, Werner, grows up with his younger sister, Jutta, both enchanted by a crude radio Werner finds. He becomes a master at building and fixing radios, a talent that wins him a place at an elite and brutal military academy and, ultimately, makes him a highly specialized tracker of the Resistance. Werner travels through the heart of Hitler Youth to the far-flung outskirts of Russia, and finally into Saint-Malo, where his path converges with Marie-Laure.

Doerr’s gorgeous combination of soaring imagination with observation is electric. Deftly interweaving the lives of Marie-Laure and Werner, Doerr illuminates the ways, against all odds, people try to be good to one another.

We will discuss the book in May. Happy reading!

Virtual Book Club: Wild

WildWelcome to our virtual book club! This month we’re talking about Wild by Cheryl Strayed, which I introduced here.

Here’s how it works: I’ll throw out a few topics for discussion, and you can write your responses about these topics (or anything else you’d like to say) in the comment section.

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Wild is Cheryl Strayed’s true story of her one-thousand-mile solo hike along the Pacific Crest Trail from California to Washington State. On the heels of her mother’s death, her own divorce, and disintegrating relationships with the rest of her family, she threw herself into a quest that brought her to the limits of her body, her resolve, and her will to live. Her journey also forced her to reflect on her grief and her identity, ultimately bringing a measure of healing.

Discussion #1: The Search for Adventure

Cheryl’s thirst for adventure seemed to have been unlocked by the loss and grief she was experiencing. But her adventure turned out to be much more difficult than she’d bargained for.

The Pacific Crest Trail wasn’t a world to me then. It was an idea, vague and outlandish, full of promise and mystery. Something bloomed inside me as I traced its jagged line with my finger on a map.

Do you have an inner drive for adventure? Have you ever jumped into something that turned out to be way bigger than you expected?

Discussion #2: Parallel Journeys

I really liked the author’s writing style and the way she wove together two parallel journeys: her physical trek on the trail and her emotional journey through the flashbacks. I didn’t always agree with her decisions, but I understood what was fueling her decisions, and I appreciated watching her process of self-discovery.

I considered my options. There were only two and they were essentially the same. I could go back in the direction I had come from, or I could go forward in the direction I intended to go.

Were there any parts of Cheryl’s journey (physical or emotional) that you could relate to?

Discussion #3: Extra Baggage

One of the most fascinating parts of the book for me was seeing what Cheryl decided to take on her journey and what she left behind. It made me think about my own priorities and what I would take if I had to carry all my earthly possessions on my back.

What would you have carried that she left behind? Was there anything she brought along that you would have ditched?

Discussion #4: Fear

Cheryl faced just about every fear known to humankind: loneliness, physical exhaustion, pain, scary strangers, severe weather, even bears! Yet she faced her fears with honesty and almost desperate courage.

I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told.

What part of Cheryl’s adventure would have been scariest for you?

Discussion #5: Identity

I enjoyed reading about Cheryl’s process for choosing a new last name—which was, in a sense, a way for her to redefine her identity.

Nothing fit until one day when the word strayed came into my mind. Immediately, I looked it up in the dictionary and knew it was mine . . . : “to wander from the proper path, to deviate from the direct course, to be lost, to become wild, to be without a mother or father, to be without a home, to move about aimlessly in search of something, to diverge or digress.”

Have you ever changed your name? If you were going to change your name, what would you choose?

Discussion #6: Rating

I would give this book 4 stars (out of 5) for the strong writing, the vulnerability, and the insights into human nature. It was a book that handled some tough topics but was still was fun to read, and that’s a feat to pull off.

What would you rate the book? And if you’ve seen the movie, what did you think of it? Should I watch it?

{Remember: I’ll give away a free book to one lucky commenter!}

 

Announcing the Next Virtual Book Club: Wild

 

WildCongratulations to Dareta, who won a free book for commenting on our last discussion about What Alice Forgot. (Dareta, I’ll send you a private message about getting the book.)

And now, the next book is . . . Wild by Cheryl Strayed (now also a movie).

Here’s the description from the back of the book:

At twenty-two, Cheryl Strayed thought she had lost everything. In the wake of her mother’s death, her family scattered and her own marriage was soon destroyed. Four years later, with nothing more to lose, she made the most impulsive decision of her life. With no experience or training, driven only by blind will, she would hike more than a thousand miles of the Pacific Crest Trail from the Mojave Desert through California and Oregon to Washington State—and she would do it alone.

Told with suspense and style, sparkling with warmth and humor, Wild powerfully captures the terrors and pleasures of one young woman forging ahead against all odds on a journey that maddened, strengthened, and ultimately healed her.

We’ll be discussing this book in March—hope you’ll join us!

Book Club Discussion: What Alice Forgot

What Alice ForgotFor our virtual book club this month, we’re talking about What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty, which I introduced here.

Here’s how it works: I’ll throw out a few topics for discussion, and you can write your responses about these topics (or anything else you’d like to say) in the comment section.

Discussion #1: Seriously Funny

When I read the premise for this novel, I assumed it would be a light read—and something that had been done before. (Really, publishing world? Another mom-lit book? And does the world really need another amnesia story?) But enough people recommended it to me that I finally succumbed.

My friends were right: this book has substance. Although it has light, funny moments, it also tackles some weighty themes (such as infertility, waning love, and complicated friendships). But perhaps the biggest takeaway for me was this haunting question: What would the younger me think of the person I’ve become?

What did you think of the tone of the book? Did it make you laugh? Did it make you think?

Discussion #2: A Form of Time Travel

Here’s what the author says about coming up with the premise for this novel:

I had always wanted to write a story about time travel but I found the logistics made my head explode. Then I read a story about a woman in the UK who lost her memory and behaved like a teenager—she didn’t recognize her husband or children. I realized that memory loss is a form of time travel. Alice loses 10 years of her memory. She thinks she is 29, pregnant with her first child and blissfully in love with her husband. She is horrified to discover she is 39, with 3 children and in the middle of a terrible divorce. It’s like the younger Alice has traveled forward in time.

What would the ten-years-ago you have been surprised to discover about the current you? What would your younger self think about the life you are leading now?

Discussion #3: The Role of Memory

The theme of memory is central to this book. Without a decade of memories, Alice is left to piece together what happened in her relationships. In some ways, this lack of memory leaves her at a distinct disadvantage. But in some ways, forgetting may have also saved her marriage.

Each memory, good and bad, was another invisible thread that bound them together.

How important do you think are memories to a relationship? Is it possible to keep a relationship strong without remembering the history you share with another person?

Discussion #4: A Second Chance

Although this story has the added drama of amnesia, it isn’t so different from what most marriages and other close relationships face. We change and we stagnate; we remember and we forget; we hurt and we forgive; we love until we can’t love anymore, and then we love some more.

Early love is exciting and exhilarating. It’s light and bubbly. Anyone can love like that. But after three children, after a separation and a near-divorce, after you’ve hurt each other and forgiven each other, bored each other and surprised each other, after you’ve seen the worst and the best—well, that sort of love is ineffable. It deserves its own word.

What do you think caused Alice’s relationship with her husband to fall apart? Do you think it’s possible to start over and get another chance when a relationship seems broken beyond repair?

I would give this book four stars (out of five). It was an entertaining read, but what I appreciated most was the way it stuck with me and prompted self-reflection about my own life.

How many stars would you give this book?

{Remember: I’ll give a free book to one lucky commenter!}

 

Announcing the Next Book Club

What Alice ForgotThanks to everyone who participated in our discussion of Glitter and Glue, we discussed here. Congratulations to Nancy, the winner of the free book giveaway! (Nancy, I’ll send you a separate message about getting your book.)

Our next book discussion will be about What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty.

Here’s the description of the book, taken from the back cover:

Alice Love is twenty-nine, crazy about her husband, and pregnant with her first child.

So imagine Alice’s surprise when she comes to on the floor of a gym and is whisked off to the hospital where she discovers the honeymoon is truly over—she’s getting divorced, she has three kids and she’s actually 39 years old. Alice must reconstruct the events of a lost decade, and find out whether it’s possible to reconstruct her life at the same time. She has to figure out why her sister hardly talks to her, and how is it that she’s become one of those super skinny moms with really expensive clothes. Ultimately, Alice must discover whether forgetting is a blessing or a curse, and whether it’s possible to start over.

Hope you will join us!

Book Club Discussion: Glitter and Glue

Glitter and GlueKelly Corrigan says in the prologue, “If you had asked me, after I graduated from college, whose voice I would hear in my head for the rest of my life, I’d have said some combination of my dad’s and my roommate Tracy’s and Jackson Browne’s. I would have continued with ten or twenty or two hundred others before I got to my mom.” But in her early twenties, Kelly traveled halfway around the world only to discover that she was more like her mother than she ever dreamed.

Discussion #1: Are You the Glitter or the Glue?

When Kelly was in high school, her mother summarized the difference between her and Kelly’s father with these words: “Your father’s the glitter but I’m the glue.” In other words, her dad might have been the more charming, fun parent, but her mom was the one who held everything together.

In your home growing up, did you have one parent who was the glitter and one who was the glue? In your home now, are you the glitter or the glue?

Discussion #2: Appreciating Your Mother

Kelly didn’t think she was much like her mother and didn’t understand her very well until she became a nanny and found herself quoting her mom and acting just like her as she cared for the children. After a long day full of meeting the needs of people who were dependent on her, she said: “Maybe the reason my mother was so exhausted all the time wasn’t because she was doing so much, but because she was feeling so much.”

Was there a pivotal season or moment in your life when you starting appreciating or understanding your mom in a new way?

Discussion #3: Leaving Home

It took going all the way to Australia for Kelly to discover that she was her mother’s daughter. As she cared for the Tanner children, she realized she was becoming “less smitten with world travelers and their ripping yarns, and more awed by people who have thrown themselves into the one gig that really matters: parenthood.”

Do you think the author would have had the same epiphanies if she’d stayed home? Have you ever had to leave home to find out who you really are?

Rating

I would give this book four stars. Kelly is a born storyteller, and she has a knack for recounting ordinary events in a compelling way. She delves into the complex relationships between mothers and daughters in an authentic, emotive way. I recommend it—whether you’re a daughter or a mother, or both.

How many stars would you give this book?

{Remember: There will be a free book giveaway for one lucky commenter! Just enter a comment with your thoughts about the book below.}

Announcing the Next Book Club

Glitter and GlueThanks to everyone who participated in our discussion about The Invention of Wings, which we talked about here. Congratulations to Maggie, the winner of the free book giveaway!

Please join us for our next book club discussion on Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan. Here’s the description of the book taken from Barnes and Noble

From the author of The Middle Place comes a new memoir that examines the bond—sometimes nourishing, sometimes exasperating, occasionally divine—between mothers and daughters.  

When Kelly Corrigan was in high school, her mother neatly summarized the family dynamic as “Your father’s the glitter but I’m the glue.” This meant nothing to Kelly, who left childhood sure that her mom—with her inviolable commandments and proud stoicism—would be nothing more than background chatter for the rest of Kelly’s life, which she was carefully orienting toward adventure. After college, armed with a backpack, her personal mission statement, and a wad of traveler’s checks, she took off for Australia to see things and do things and Become Interesting.

But it didn’t turn out the way she pictured it. In a matter of months, her savings shot, she had a choice: get a job or go home. That’s how Kelly met John Tanner, a newly widowed father of two looking for a live-in nanny. They chatted for an hour, discussed timing and pay, and a week later, Kelly moved in. And there, in that house in a suburb north of Sydney, 10,000 miles from the house where she was raised, her mother’s voice was suddenly everywhere, nudging and advising, cautioning and directing, escorting her through a terrain as foreign as any she had ever trekked. Every day she spent with the Tanner kids was a day spent reconsidering her relationship with her mother, turning it over in her hands like a shell, straining to hear whatever messages might be trapped in its spiral.

This is a book about the difference between travel and life experience, stepping out and stepping up, fathers and mothers. But mostly it’s about who you admire and why, and how that changes over time.

We’ll be discussing this book at the end of October. Hope you will join us! (And remember—there will be a free book giveaway for one lucky winner!)