When I was pregnant, I read all the books. My first errand after I found out the news was to go to library so I could stock up on how-tos and stories and firsthand accounts. And since Graham made his appearance two weeks late, I filled the bonus time with—you guessed it—more books. If there’s a literary equivalent to morning sickness, I had it.
After all that preemptive reading, I thought I knew the range of scenarios to expect when my baby made his big debut. Sure, we’d be surprised by the gender, and we didn’t know the status of our baby’s health. But I thought I had a pretty good idea of what might happen in the delivery room.
What no one prepared me for was my own reaction. To my great astonishment, when I first laid eyes on my son, I laughed.
***
I will spare you the gory details of my birth story, but once we arrived at the hospital, things moved along more quickly than anyone anticipated.
“Get comfortable,” our nurse told us the afternoon we were to be induced. “Chances are, nothing will start happening until tomorrow morning, so plan to eat dinner get a good night’s sleep.”
Daniel dutifully changed into his pajamas and tried to wind down, but “comfortable” didn’t seem to be on the agenda for the evening. Things started happening—and happening in rapid succession—and when Daniel pointed out that the medical staff had set up the table with all the instruments, we realized THIS WAS HAPPENING. (This was also the point he changed back into his real clothes.)
After a whirlwind of pain and puke and pushes and more bodily fluids than I can even comprehend, the doctor held up a squirming bundle, our own slimy trophy. But my glasses were off, and I couldn’t see a thing. Was our baby okay?
So I turned to Daniel, who had been holding my hand for the past several hours, never complaining while I squeezed the feeling right out of his fingers. I locked eyes with him, asking a million wordless questions.
“It’s a boy,” he whispered, his eyes brimming with tears and joy and love. So my first glimpse of Graham was not my own; it was through the eyes of his father. And in that instant, I knew. This tiny miracle, this beloved child of God—he was healthy and whole and as perfect as a baby could be. And as the tears dripped down my cheeks, I laughed.
***
God’s birth announcement to Abraham and Sarah is interlaced with laughter. When God tells Abraham he and Sarah will have a child in their old age, his response is to laugh:
Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old?”
Genesis 17:17
His wife, Sarah, laughed too:
Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”
Genesis 18:12
But did you ever notice that only Sarah is chastened for laughing?
The Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord?”
Genesis 18:13
I’m not a Bible scholar, but I have a theory about why their responses are judged differently: Sarah laughed at God. Abraham laughed with God.
Sometimes God’s plans are nothing shy of ludicrous. We’d be crazy not to laugh (and I have to believe God is laughing too). So maybe it’s okay to laugh when God whispers his big, impossible promises to us. The question is, will we laugh with cynicism or hope? Bitterness or trust?
One of the things I love about Sarah’s story is that God fulfills his promise even though she laughed at him. Isn’t it a relief that his faithfulness isn’t conditional on our ability to believe it? He knows our humanity; he knows we sometimes laugh to protect our hearts from getting hurt. And he is faithful, even when we laugh at him.
***
In that hospital room, like Sarah, I laughed. I laughed because God’s plans are audacious. I laughed because his ways are so ridiculous and so brimming with joy that my body couldn’t help but let it out.
Notably, Sarah’s story didn’t end with her laughing at God. In fact, God offers her a turn of gracious irony:
Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.”
Genesis 21:6
She moved from laughing at God to laughing with him. And she named her son Laughter to prove it.
Sometimes God’s ways are so outlandish and farfetched that all we can do is laugh. The question is, when God invites us into something impossible, how will we laugh? Will we laugh with him or at him?
Whatever audacious thing you are believing God for today, I invite you to join Sarah and me, and laugh.
Oh, your birth story makes me CRY. So beautiful, Stephanie. What a privilege to pray for this little guy throughout your pregnancy and see the miraculous results. And he’s just beautiful.
Thank you so much, Linda! I’ve thought about what you said so many times, about the special moment your baby locks eyes with you. How precious!
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing. We do serve an audacious God and one who invites us to dream audaciously too.
Thanks, Audacious A! I knew you’d like that one. 🙂
I love this, Stephanie! When I shared Graham’s birth story at a couple of retreats this fall, the women gasped with joy and then applauded when they saw his photo. Such holy joy and laughter! And as you know, I’ve had my own miracle-story this year as the “Sarah” of first-time authors. So thankful God does above and beyond what we could ask or imagine. Graham will marvel and laugh at this story in years to come too!
God is laughing with joy at your story too! But you are still young. 🙂
I’m in a women’s small group and we’re studying The Patriarchs. It’s interesting you point out that Sarah first laughed at God, later with God. That’s a distinction I hadn’t considered before, but so important. B. J. keeps us laughing and we’re sure God is also sharing in our delight! Thanks for sharing your heart once again.❤️
Yes, B. J. brings so much joy and laughter! What a gift.
So lovely, Stephanie. Learning to laugh with God instead of at Him is so vital and your story about your beautiful little boy, priceless!
Thank you, my friend!
I laughed with astonishment (shouldn’t have) and sheer joy when I saw God’s faithfulness too. I love this post!
Yay for God’s joyful surprises!
That brought tears of joy to my eyes. Thanks for sharing!!! What a blessing. Praise God!
Thanks so much, Jennifer!
Stephanie, what a wonderful insight into our Father. You continue to amaze me…on all fronts! Super picture of Graham, too. Love you, my friend. Kiss Graham for Aunt Dandi!
Aww, thank you, Dandi! Your buddy Graham says hi!
So beautiful! God reveals His character in such precious ways. One of my very favorite and cherished thoughts of God, is His joy and laughter as He gives a good and perfect gift to His children. Thank you for that reminder. And how generous that He has allowed you join the ranks along with Abraham and Sarah, testifying of His very personal and audacious love!
Thank you, Karen! Graham is a good and perfect gift indeed. 🙂