• Blog
  • Meet Stephanie
  • Writings
  • Blind Dating
  • Speaking
  • Book Club
  • Archives
  • Get in Touch

Stephanie Rische

Blogger and Writer: Capturing Stories of God's Grace

October 6, 2020

A Tiny Seed of Hope

They lie to you about hope. They whisper in your ear that if you don’t get your hopes up, it won’t hurt if that longed-for thing doesn’t come to pass. Keep your expectations low, they say, so the fall won’t be so steep. Don’t get too attached. Muffle your dreams under layers of bubble wrap. This is the only way to venture into the future and come out unscathed.

But according to a reliable source, hope is one of only three things that remain in the end, after everything else falls away. If I’m understanding that right, it means that hope lives on into eternity, even after the thing we’re hoping for has passed away. If that’s the case, maybe I shouldn’t be too quick to brush it off.

***

“It looks like you’re miscarrying,” the doctor told me, not unkindly. It was the height of the pandemic, and we were both wearing masks. I regretted putting on mascara, but it felt like a special occasion, seeing as it was the first time I’d left the house in approximately six weeks. The doctor awkwardly handed me a tissue, trying not to make contact.

“Come back in two weeks for another ultrasound to confirm.”

Back in the car, I regretted (even more than the mascara) the fact that Daniel couldn’t be there with me. We’d initially wanted him there so he could see the baby’s tiny profile on the screen and watch the pulsing heartbeat. But now I wished he could drive me home, because they haven’t yet invented windshield wipers for the human eye.

***

I didn’t enter this corridor of hope blithely. I’ve had my share of ultrasounds that resulted in smudged mascara: one with dire conjectures about our baby’s future and one that resulted in the dreaded silence of a no-longer-beating heart.

In those two agonizing weeks between ultrasounds, I wondered how to pray, how to put one foot in front of the other, how to breathe. I wasn’t sure it was possible to hope, and if so, whether it was wise. If I cracked open the door to hope, wouldn’t it just be an invitation for my heart to get steamrolled in two weeks?

I whispered these fears to Daniel after Graham was safely tucked in bed. I know he was just as scared as I was, but he offered words of bedrock wisdom, words I clung to every day of those two eternal weeks: “We will choose hope until God gives us a reason not to.”

***

Hope, I believe, is never wasted. Every time we hope, even if the hope is just a tiny quivering thing, we are building our hope muscle. Even if the thing we’re hoping for doesn’t become reality, the very act of hoping changes something at the core of who we are.

And if the foundation of our hope is ultimately in Someone rather than something, we will never be disappointed. Whether we get the thing we’re hoping for or not.

Faith is both the dreaming and the crying. Faith is the assurance that the best and holiest dream is true after all.

Frederick Buechner

***

At my appointment two weeks later, I walked into the same ultrasound room, with the same mask on, and was greeted by the same technician. I could hardly bear to look at the screen, knowing in a matter of moments it would announce either life or death, hope or grief. I didn’t want to know, and I had to know.

Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. My eyes flew open at the unmistakable sound of a tiny heart pumping at 160 beats per minute. “Is that what I think it is?” I whispered.

Sure enough, flickering on the screen was hope incarnate, hope pulsing inside my own body. I hadn’t worn mascara because I anticipated tears that day. I just hadn’t guessed that they would be tears of joy, tears of a hope fulfilled.

Now, by some undeserved miracle, Daniel, Graham, and I are waiting for our new arrival, due at the end of year. And the nickname we’ve given this little one?

Baby Hope.

I know that hope is the hardest love we carry.

Jane Hirschfield

27 Comments Filed Under: Faith Tagged With: baby, Faith, Frederick Buechner, hope, miscarriage
Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on email
Email
Share on twitter
Twitter

About Stephanie

I think that glimmers of grace are all around us, and I'd love to share those stories with you. I hope you'll grab a cup of coffee and join me at StephanieRische.com.

Quote of the Week

“Some things have to be believed to be seen.”
—Madeleine L’Engle

Discussion

  1. Merry Luehr says

    October 6, 2020 at 9:03 am

    LOVE! And so happy for the four of you

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:05 pm

      Thank you, sweet Merry!

      Reply
  2. Sidonie Rische says

    October 6, 2020 at 10:29 am

    I pray for all of you that, when the time is right, you will be holding Hope, in her most perfect ( and crying, slippery) form in your arms. Bless you and Daniel for your strength, faith, wisdom and … hope.
    Sidonie

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:06 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words! His timing is perfect.

      Reply
  3. Kristen Joy Wilks says

    October 6, 2020 at 10:47 am

    I am so so thrilled for you!!! Congratulations, my friend! Hope is so hard … but you are right, letting go of hope doesn’t make it hurt less, not at all. You have so much wisdom for us as you write about the journeys through life and hurt and hope and love. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:06 pm

      Thanks for walking beside me from a distance!

      Reply
  4. Heather says

    October 6, 2020 at 11:24 am

    Wooohooooo!!!!!! Love baby hope so much!!! Praying for you in these last few months of pregnancy.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:08 pm

      Thank you so much, my friend!!

      Reply
  5. Michelle says

    October 6, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    If I begin a book that has a questionable outcome, I have to read the end first to see if I’m willing to carry on. Because I love the way you write and because I wanted to hope for as long as I could hope, I began at the beginning and read to the end….and then cried my own tears of joy. Congratulations to all of you!! I love the nickname Baby Hope.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:08 pm

      Aww, thank you so much, Michelle! With God, there are no questionable outcomes. 🙂

      Reply
  6. judy larson says

    October 6, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    Beautiful and praying for you. So happy

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:08 pm

      Love and hugs to you, Judy!

      Reply
  7. Jia says

    October 6, 2020 at 7:33 pm

    Dearest Stephanie, reading this brought happy tears and a heart of renewed joy. Congratulations to you and Daniel on baby Hope! Praying with you 🙂

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:11 pm

      Thank you, my friend! I have been wearing the nest necklace from you as a symbol of hope!

      Reply
  8. Sharon says

    October 6, 2020 at 9:15 pm

    Just beautiful Stephanie. ❤️

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:12 pm

      Thank you, my friend!

      Reply
  9. Susannah says

    October 7, 2020 at 5:33 am

    I’m so happy for you!!!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:12 pm

      Thanks so much!

      Reply
  10. Cheryl says

    October 7, 2020 at 9:51 pm

    If I was near you, you’d feel my too long hug of joy! May God bless your HOPE!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:17 pm

      I miss your hugs!

      Reply
  11. Dee Compton says

    October 8, 2020 at 11:26 am

    Thrilled for your sweet family!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:18 pm

      Thanks so much, Dee!

      Reply
  12. Sandi says

    October 9, 2020 at 3:34 pm

    What about reading an article without giving us the “mascara” warning! I am crying happy tears for you and your family.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 12, 2020 at 12:18 pm

      HA! Sorry for my lack of a disclaimer up front! Thanks, Sandi!

      Reply
  13. Ginger Kauffman says

    November 11, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    I came looking for you today after way too long of not seeing your blog. I am so glad to have found you again, and so happy for you and your sweet family! May Baby Hope rest and grow these next couple of months—with enough kicks and punches to reassure you—and arrive safely and joyfully, right on time. I’ll be waiting from afar to meet her/him.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      November 16, 2020 at 8:34 am

      Aww, thank you so much, Ginger! I appreciate your blessing!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Watchers at a Holy Place says:
    December 1, 2020 at 7:27 am

    […] as the months have progressed with Baby Hope (as we’ve nicknamed the baby for now) growing inside me, I think this is actually the best way to weather such a fractious year. With […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

welcome_stephanie_rische

Welcome!

I’m so glad you stopped by. I hope you will find this to be a place where the coffee’s always hot, there’s always a listening ear, and there’s grace enough to share.
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Personal Delivery

Sign up here to have every new post, special newsletters, and book club news delivered straight to your inbox. (No carrier pigeons will be harmed in this delivery.)

Free eBook

20 Days of Prayers...just for you!
Submit your email to receive a FREE copy!

    Recently

    • Grandma’s Story
    • What Love Smells Like
    • Threenager Summer
    • Elastigirl Arms
    • On Savoring

    Book Club

    • August 2018
    • July 2017
    • April 2017
    • November 2016
    • August 2016
    • March 2016
    • March 2016
    • December 2015
    • September 2015
    • July 2015
    • May 2015
    • January 2015

    Favorite Categories

    • Friday Favorites
    • Grace
    • Literature
    • Scripture Reflections
    • Writing

    Other Places to Find Me

    • Faith Happenings
    • CT Women
    • Boundless
    • Single Matters

    Connect With Me

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Pinterest

    All Content © 2010-2014 by Stephanie Rische • Blog Design & Development by Sarah Parisi of Parisi Images • Additional Site Credits