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Stephanie Rische

Blogger and Writer: Capturing Stories of God's Grace

May 22, 2020

Rough Draft Friends

We live in a world where filters reign supreme. A world where people take 29 selfies for every one they post. A world where no one sees the pictures that feature double chins or unfortunate hair days or the moments when everyone in the house is decidedly unhappy. 

In a world like this, it’s hard to feel like a perpetual rough draft. We compare our own raw edges to everyone else’s polished masterpiece. Even if there’s one area we’re gifted in, these editable platforms tempt us to think we have to be really amazing at everything. All at once.

At some level, we suspect that everyone else doesn’t really have it all together all the time. But even so, we can’t help feeling like we don’t measure up.

A while ago I read Everyone Brave Is Forgiven by Christopher Cleve. I remember liking it as a novel, but the part I can’t shake is the Author’s Note, of all places. (Yes, I read those things. And the copyright page too. Could I get any nerdier?)

Cleve explains that his book was inspired by his grandfather’s experience serving in World War II:

My grandfather died while I was writing the novel—but, as he might have remarked, it wasn’t necessarily my fault. I regret that he never saw the book. I had finished the third draft of what turned out to be five, but I had decided to wait until the novel was perfect before I gave it to him to read. What a fool I am. If you will forgive the one piece of advice a writer is qualified to give: never be afraid of showing someone you love a working draft of yourself.”

We all need people we can be our rough-draft selves with. Not that I recommend showing up as the rawest version of yourself in front of just anyone. My store clerk/bank teller/delivery guy doesn’t need to hear all my unfiltered, unprocessed ramblings. But we all need a handful of people with whom we can show up and say, “Here I am. The rough draft me.” And they can listen to us and love us and, eventually, help us become a better version of ourselves.

This is the only way I know to get unstuck.

This is the only way I know to move from a rough draft into something more beautiful.

This is the only way I know to avoid missing connection at the expense of perfection.

So here’s my challenge for you today—and for myself, too: Don’t be afraid to show someone the real you—the rough draft you.

***

We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them.

Maya Angelou

14 Comments Filed Under: Literature Tagged With: authenticity, Christopher Cleve, Everyone Brave Is Forgiven, friendship, rough drafts, vulnerability, World War II
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About Stephanie

I think that glimmers of grace are all around us, and I'd love to share those stories with you. I hope you'll grab a cup of coffee and join me at StephanieRische.com.

Quote of the Week

“Some things have to be believed to be seen.”
—Madeleine L’Engle

Discussion

  1. Denise Kohlmeyer says

    May 22, 2020 at 7:35 am

    Love this, Stephanie. Love your writer’s take on this subject. I could totally relate.

    And, I also read the copyright page and Author Notes, and the Acknowledgements, too!! Nerds think alike!!
    Blessings to you!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      May 26, 2020 at 9:57 am

      A kindred spirit–so glad I’m not the only one!

      Reply
  2. Linda MacKillop says

    May 22, 2020 at 9:53 am

    Wise advice, Stephanie. Not everyone will tenderly care for our rough draft self, but the friends who do are the keepers!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      May 26, 2020 at 9:58 am

      Yes, so true! You are one of them!

      Reply
  3. Alice Teisan says

    May 22, 2020 at 11:43 am

    WOW! How true and well crafted.You drew me in and set the HOOK!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      May 26, 2020 at 9:58 am

      Thanks, AT!

      Reply
  4. Elizabeth Hafferty says

    May 22, 2020 at 11:46 am

    Love your heart, Stephanie.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      May 26, 2020 at 10:27 am

      Aww, thanks, Elizabeth!

      Reply
  5. Kristen Joy Wilks says

    May 22, 2020 at 12:32 pm

    Oh my, yes! Wow, it is so hard to show your rough draft self, even to those we love. Thank you, Stephanie for inspiring once again.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      May 26, 2020 at 10:27 am

      Thank you, Kristen!

      Reply
  6. Pat Klud says

    May 22, 2020 at 3:57 pm

    Learning to accept the rough draft of ourselves is sometimes harder than showing it to others. There is always room for improvement in each of us. Thanks for the encouraging words to just be real.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      May 26, 2020 at 10:28 am

      Thanks for the kind words, Pat!

      Reply
  7. Maggie Rowe says

    May 22, 2020 at 6:24 pm

    Oh Stephanie, this piece really resonated with me. Just last night I posted my own take on this topic (“No More False Face”), but the rough draft analogy is even better. And on a literal note, you were the very person I took my ideas to for what became This Life We Share. Thank you for being my rough draft friend!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      May 26, 2020 at 10:30 am

      I loved your insights, Maggie! “Where life gets wonky is when we begin to ‘false face’ in real life: pretending to be someone we truly are not.”
      https://www.maggierowe.com/post/no-more-false-face-1

      Reply

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